Having a really hard time...

[what next?]

Yeah, and she has been REALLY interested in pleasing her parents lately. She started going to church again this summer and I am agnostic so I suggested that we could go to the Unitarian Church together. She laughed and scoffed "Yeah, that would really piss off my parents" ...I'm like... you're 32 what difference does that make? But it's obvious that something has snapped inside her and she is wanting to be the person that they put so much pressure on her to be.

I have never seen her and her mom fight really but they did a lot when she was in high school. I know that her parents were super over protective of her and that was why she decided to go to college out of state but then she had her breakdown in her junior year there.

She emailed me today asking if my check situation had been straightened out and I replied keeping it light and telling her a bit about Houston (I'm here for 2 weeks) Asked her to do me the favor of looking through my mail to see if another check had come.

The reason that I seem so passionless about the divorce is because I am accepting that it will happen (legally at least) I am convinced that fighting with her on it will only push her away because I told her specifically that I would do anything for her and that if that meant divorcing her so that she could have space I would do that. I can't tell her every day that there is nothing that I wouldn't do for her but then tell her that I won't do that. Although I think that might be what Meatloaf was talking about lol.

I am trying to prepare my brain to accept the fact that my marriage might be over. I have to live in two worlds and it's extremely difficult for me. I have to do what is best for me because there may already be no more us. I hope that that isn't the case but I have no way of knowing.