Just need to get some thoughts out of my head today. Yesterday was three months since H left. I have not initiated any contact with him for about 2 months unless it involves our D16. I am taking care of me and have found some peace during this time as my relationship with God has grown immensely. I have been able to detach so that when I am around H I am being me, and I am happy and positive.
I just have these fears that nag in the back of my head. I fear that not initiating any contact with H he may think that I don't care and therefore why leave OW who will at least be there for him. I fear I will never be able to love someone else. I fear that D16 and I will financially be devastated by a D. I fear I will never meet the needs H found from OW. I fear the affair will never end.
I also have some positives that keep me going everyday. My faith and belief that God is walking this journey with me and only HE can help my H find his way back to God and home where H's heart truly belongs. I have friends who check on me and help in so many ways. I have family who love me no matter what. I have a D16 who is incredible and loves me no matter what. My health is really good at this time, which I am thankful to God. I had Knee Surgery and gallbladder surgery within two months before H left. I have this board to help me navigate through this time in my life and helps me to see that I am much more than my H or my marriage. I am a child of God who has given me so many gifts to use to help others.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
