Glad you found your way here. I believe you will have support from the DB gang if you will post often. What are the ages of your W, daughter, and you? Is your D living with your W?
What I gathered by reading your posts is the fact your W is very soured on "life" and wants to escape everything/everyone and start with a new and different life. It is not uncommon these days as women are spread so thin in their many roles they live. Stress is a terrible thing and when one is not happy at home, then they aren't able to handle other things well.
One of the biggest personal areas you may have to tackle will be guarding your emotions whenever making contact with your W. You have the "right" to be upset, but we discover in DBing that having the "right" does not always get us what we "desire".
I've been M a long time and if there is one thing I've learned it's that whenever one person says something from a heated emotional stance...the other person is usually going to react with an unpleasant response. You cannot control your S, but you can control yourself. That is the first solution to working on your problems.....dealing with your own emotions....finding healthy outlets....and controling your words when talking to W.
She is in a fragile mental state. Her nerves are fried and her emotions are shot. The last thing you want to do is upset her b/c that could push her further away. You may wonder how much farther away than D a couple can be...but D does not have to be the end of the world. She may find D to be her release valve and once she feels free and able to heal and start to rebuild her life...then she could find a new friendship with the man she fell in love with a long time ago.
Your job is to find that man, also. How far away have you come from being that man you were before M? Perhaps you don't even want to be that man, but you want to be better. That's great, if you do. Whatever the case, make yourself challenging goals and put forth the effort to improve yourself 100%. Give your W the space she desparately needs and while you're doing that...you get into a personal "boot camp".
If your D is the thread that will connect you and your W, then there will be those occassions to talk and even visit her, and eventually, she will be able to see you're changing. She will begin to feel that she can discuss things without you exploding on her. Then she will slowly seek friendship with you. That's a beginning!
This would likely take quite some time to rebuild a R and there are no promises that it would ever lead to more than friendship. The decision to "hope" or move forward would be yours to make, but wouldn't you want to become a better person and have a good friendship with her.....even if it didn't lead to more? Being able to have a life without her...will help you to not pressure--and to act "as if"--and that in the long run...will be to your credit.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
