18 Years of Marriage - Leaving in June

[habitacker]

Sandi, great advice as usual.

Scared2Def, I would like to prepare you for what I think is going to happen, just because it happens to me.

What happened last night was great, but are you prepared for that night,after night, after night, without any expectations?

This is the way my sitch has been for over 4 months. It will get really frustrating when you are not seeing results. The positive feelings you have today will be gone tomorrow when you don't see anything happening. You have to be prepared for this, and the only thing I know of to do about it is have PATIENCE.

If tonight or tomorrow night is the same as last night or worse, you will get frustrated. This will go on for a long,long time.

I did this for the first 2 months, it drove me crazy to the point I couldn't stand it anymore so I went to my W with R talk. BIG MISTAKE. If you do this, be prepared to hear the worst. This is why we are told so many times to let the WAW come to us when they are ready for R talk.

I just want you to know, that just by going to my W this one time, after 2 months, destroyed the whole 2 months worth of work and put me in a bigger hole than I started in.

I struggle with this everyday. I go back and forth in my mind everyday about this approach I am taking, because I am sorry to say, it isn't working, but I do not see any other option. I have done it with instincts, and went backwards, at least now things seem to be holding steady.

Anyway, this struggling with this that I am having, I think you are going to have also, I guarantee it. This I believe is one of the reasons everyone tells us to detach.

Don't ask me how to detach, because I don't think I am doing a very good job of it, but I do believe I have done it enough to keep myself from running to my W on those bad days. Maybe I am just faking detaching at this moment, but maybe that is a start. Her actions still effect me big time, but I am not letting that effect the way I react with her. If this makes any sense.

My main point is, that in the future, tonight,tomorrow,next week, whenever, you are going to get frustrated because of no progress,I guarantee it, and it will feel like you are being tortured. It will be the hardest thing you have ever had to do in your life. When this comes, what are you going to do to handle it?