Denver, that's what I'm afraid of. I feel myself resenting him more and more, not trusting him now, feeling lonely, unloved, little affection (very little - haven't been kissed in months), like I'm the only one trying at all and I don't matter to him. He's not trying, he's not changing. He is waiting for me to do all the work, to earn his love, to prove to him that I can change. I am changing... I am working hard... but it takes two.
Right now, he's driving to a business meeting out of state. He may be back tonight, or he may drive to the next state for another meeting tomorrow. Both meetings he has to have for work, I understand that. But he has no consideration at all for the fact that I'm having a hard time here. That it's been a week and my trust for him is shattered. He also was supposed to go with me to an event tomorrow night but now I'm ditched, again. This is something he's known about for weeks. When I said "oh, I was really looking forward to you going with me Thursday night to the event" (where I know NO ONE else!).... his response was "I have to work!". I feel like I don't matter at all to him. He's making no effort at all. He could reschedule, he could go to one meeting today and come home. He would do that, if he's too tired to drive to another state, if he wants to come home. But he won't do for it me. And he doesn't see at all that him gone overnight is a big deal for me right now. Of course I didn't say anything to him about the trust stuff, I'm trying to DB. But at what point will I matter at all? Just a little? He was going to take my car, but this morning said "it's too dirty, you never clean it" and took his truck - which will cost $100 more in gas. My car is dirty because he drives it with the boys all the time. It's not my mess. I didn't say anything, bit my tongue.
This is where we are at. It's like the e-mail exchange last week happened but didn't. He says we're together, but he's not working on the marriage. Those 3 sentences he said are just words if there are no actions behind them.
I love him, I do. I'm trying here. But I don't know if I'm dealing with a WAS, am piecing or what. I'm scared to have an R talk, I'm tip-toeing around him, I'm still in pieces every day. I'm afraid to ask him to work harder at this, be nicer to me, be there for me or anything at all really because I'm afraid I'll push him away again. But I also resent it more each day because I feel used, worthless, unloved in my own home by my own husband. I don't want to become a WAW.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
He's making no effort at all. He could reschedule, he could go to one meeting today and come home. He would do that, if he's too tired to drive to another state, if he wants to come home. But he won't do for it me. And he doesn't see at all that him gone overnight is a big deal for me right now. Of course I didn't say anything to him about the trust stuff, I'm trying to DB. But at what point will I matter at all? Just a little? He was going to take my car, but this morning said "it's too dirty, you never clean it" and took his truck - which will cost $100 more in gas. My car is dirty because he drives it with the boys all the time. It's not my mess. I didn't say anything, bit my tongue.