Not a good nite last nite. Started with W wanting to talk about a divorce mediator. Seems her lawyer isn't moving fast enough for her. She wants this to get moving now. I did ask her if in an effort to make sure that everything possible was done, would she consider counseling. She said it would not make any difference, she does not want to be married to me anymore and hasn't for a very long time. She did say she would do it, but emphasized it would not make any difference. She was very angry for almost the whole conversation, which lasted about an hour and a half.
I kind of backslid a little. I remained calm and didn't let her get me going, even though she was raising her voice, swearing, etc. But I just couldn't get myself to agree with what she was saying. I would disagree with her statements, because they just were not true. For instance she insisted many times that we have talked about divorce and knew this was coming all along. I said that's not true. WE haven't discussed it. But it didn't matter what the subject was - she was all over the map - I mostly was trying to refute what she was saying. I know that's not what I was supposed to be doing.
She accused me of being a control freak over and over. So, obviously this is something that she views in me and doesn't like. But I just don't get it. She has never had more freedom than she does right now. Basically, she has no one to answer to and basically is free to do whatever she wants. I simply asked (before things went bad) that she let me know if she was gonna do something outside her normal schedule, so that I could plan for it. I thought that was reasonable. I didn't ask her to check in or ask permission. Just be courteous and let me know if you were going to be late or if something changed.
She said I am controlling even with text messages. I asked her to explain. She said that I do not answer her right away when she texts me, and that I do that just to control her. I asked her if she realized I was at work, at not always able to answer right away. Yesterday, when I left I told her "just so you can plan your afternoon, I have to work until 7:30. So at 4pm she texts me and says "still 7:30"?" Well I was busy and couldn't answer until almost 7. She was FURIOUS! Again, I did that just to control her. I honestly don't get it. She really wasn't very rational, which was one reason I had a hard time trying to agree with what she was saying.
As far as her EA, she kept saying that they were just friends. I would say no, you are not. It is obvious that you are more than that. Nobody texts or calls that much, or works so hard to conceal what they doing for just friends. Her answer was that she didn't want me to accuse her of doing something she wasn't. THEN, later in the conversation she told me they have done nothing physically. She said that he was just a real nice gentleman, and he had several girlfriends that he was involved with. But they were not involved romantically, because he was married for 25 years, and doesn't believe in cheating or affairs or being involved with married women. But he IS involved with a married woman - YOU! I answered. She said we just talk. But, she says that she will probably start dating him after our divorce is final, and when he is available. I just don't see how I can win this one. The best possible outcome that I see is that she leaves, has her relationship which she sees as being pure and perfectly legitimate because they didn't do anything physical until after she was divorced. That would have to then crash and burn, and only then would she MAYBE think about coming back - at which point I'm honestly not sure I could agree to. She seems so angry and focused on this happening, but the things she says and does have me completely confused to whether this is something she really, really wants to do.
I am gonna make some calls today and try to locate a solution based counselor in the area that will see us asap. I really don't think it will make much difference right now as she is intent on chasing this "dream". She admitted to me that she wants that head over heels feeling, but she also said she thinks that she should feel that way all the time. Told me she hadn't felt that way about me since a few years after our marriage. Go figure.
After a really good weekend, this kind of caught me by surprise. The roller coaster ride continues.
