I know what you mean about the X's parents. I was actually very close to his family, but when X decided he was not happy, although they were hurt about our separation, they wanted him to be happy above all else.
My X wanted to see our son today, so I had to see X tonight. I hate it when he comes in the house acting so happy and carefree, while I am struggling to keep my composure, and ACT carefree.
I too, like Augtan and you, miss having my family. I have such a small family as it is, and loosing my X and his family has left such a void. They still include me in big events, and even call sometimes, but I can't help but think if they had objected more to what their son was doing, he might have stopped.
It is so hurtful to think of your X with someone else. I know we are divorced according to the law, but according to my heart I am still married. It is torture that no one should have to endure. I have been trying to do 'thought stopping', whenever the vision of him and the OW, come to mind. It does help, but I have a feeling it won't be long until I am face to face with their relationship that can now be out in the open. Its highly likely that their are several relationships he is in now. He, like your X, Whitney, has many things going for him. He is handsome, very fit, intelligent, and charming, and always ready to 'help' someone, esp. exgirlfriends, new girl friends ect.ect.
Interesting thought about if we were just meeting our X'a now. It would be hard for me to be interested in a man who was unfaithful, and left their child. I am sure he tries to keep that as quiet as possible. Unlike you all, I cannot say with certainty that my X has really changed. I think I just didn't want to acknowledge the character deficits. Sadly, this is the father of my son. It breaks my heart that my son has to pay the price. And it makes me sad and mad when I read the price your children are having to pay too.
Did either of you read the book, Between Two Worlds? Don't go buy it. It is difficult to read in that it is sad what this study exposes about what it is like for children to go back and forth between parents. The benefit to reading it is the awareness of what children of divorce may experience. I did get my X to read some of it before he moved out, and I could tell it hit home with his own experience, but that didn't curtail his desire for going on with his plans to leave.
I am so sorry for all of us, and especially our children. I hope that we can help them avoid intentional pain. I hope I can teach my son to make choices differently than I did. Just because the outside of the package looks good, doesn't mean the inside is good.
I am sorry we find ourselves here, but it sure is good to have others who understand.
