I have done everything wrong....

[islander]

I am exhausted. I have been living this life for the past four months. I have read DR, the online forums for the past 6 weeks, and have completely failed so far. I am ready to tell my story.
I have been with my W for six years, and we have been married for three. We had a very good relationship for the first five years, although it was extremely stressful. We each have a daughter from a PR. W D8, M D5. W has been in my D5 life since she was 3 months old, and I have been in her D8 life since she was 3 years old.
About 2 months before we were married, my W xh moved in with my D5 mother, and you can imagine what happened after that. When my W had a problem with her xh, my D mother took it out on me, to the point that she stopped letting me see my D until I took her to court. And for the next 2 1/2 years it was a living hell. My W rightfully had my D mother arrested for assaulting her, and it drug out in court for over a year. It seemed as if my D mother and W xh were always trying to prove that they were better parents than we were. I am pretty laid back and was willing to let a lot of things go for the sake of keeping the peace. I wasn't concerned about proving that I was right all of the time. My W on the other hand always wanted me to act on my D mother's actions when she was out of line, and to file contempt charges against her for violating our court ordered visitation. The relationship b/w W xh and D mother ended almost a year ago. W xh stated he was sorry and that my D mother kept trying to cause problems with me and W. (Guess she was successful)
All of this added to the stress in our M. Our SL became almost none existent. We both have very high stress jobs as well, which did not help either. Then I would get frustrated with the housework, and feel as if my wife wasn't helping out. I did all of the laundry, yard work, dishes, and I (wrongly) expected her to do everything else that I didn't want to do, whether she wanted to or not. And I would get so frustrated when she always left her clothes on the ground or did not put things back where they went, like she just took me for granted knowing I would pick up after her. (Don't get me wrong, my W was not a messy person, it was just these insignificant things that I let frustrate me). At the end of the day there was nothing left in me to give to her, as in ML. I was so stressed, and blamed her for it. My W is a very beautiful woman, and I stopped telling her, even though I always thought about it.
Eventually we stopped having fun together. Everything was all about work, extra jobs when we really did not need the money, we just needed to manage it better. When we were at home, I could not relax because I always felt there was work that needed to be done there too (which I blamed my W for because I thought she should have been doing more-wrong again). Last summer, my W wrote me a letter stating that she wasn't happy, but wanted to work on things because she loved me and knew that we could be happy. She even bought a book "His Needs, Her Needs" and two colored markers so we could read it together. Of course I knew we had problems and I knew we could fix them, so I put it off. (Looking back that is where my current problems started, and I try not to dwell on my stupidity too much, but I am not having luck with that. Makes me cry even as I write this. Stupid Stupid me!!!!).
The purchase of the book was at the same time she forced me to file a well deserved motion for contempt against my D mother, but I could have just as easily let it go to. I was tired of all the stress. With this motion, my W did not help me with the filing or preparation of the documents like she had previously done, and I was not prepared. I procrastinated b/c I did not want to do it in the first place, and I was so stressed about it I did not want to go to the mail box for three months b/c I did not want to receive a court date. It took 7 months from the initial filing to hearing date in Oct 2010. We were stressed the entire time, and it took its toll on us.
At the end of Sept 2010 I had prepared myself for the hearing, and began reading "his needs, her needs". It scared the hell out of me once I realized how I had been treating her. I completely neglected her, and I instantly knew I was running out of time. I wanted to fix it and fix it now. I started to change my behavior immediately. My W had always been my best-friend, and I had been neglecting her worse than I could have imagined. I tried to ML to her several times, but was rejected.
I did not know it at the time, but my W had been confiding in somebody she worked with. She started going out after work and that bothered me, but I still trusted her. After reading the book, her behavior scared me. I began to see the signs of an A. I even questioned her about it one night when I became suspicious. I was working midnights and she went out for a drink after work, but did not get home till 4am. She assured me that she would never cheat, but I felt something was different. I continued to try to be physical, but it seemed to push her further away. I started to talk to her about going to MC, but got a mixed response. After a couple of arguments where she left in the middle of the night for a couple of hours, I made an appointment with a MC for us. However, she was just a C who also did MC, but that was not her focus. Big Mistake.
The day before we had our first and last "MC" (11/14/10), I sent her an erotic email, and hoped to have a good night. (She always told me she wished I would do things like that for her, so I put a lot of thought into it). I think that pushed her over the edge. I did not hear from her all day, which made me very nervous. I did not even get a response from her about the email. When I got home, her eyes were very puffy, like she had been crying for hours. She finally told me she had been talking to her mother all day, and had told her she was having an A. I did not get all of the details EA/PA until the next day at "MC". The MC told me that my W needed space to figure things out. I was devastated (P/A). She suggested that one of us leave the house for an undetermined amount of time. At that time, I couldn't have imagined staying in the house. It made me physically sick. I did not want to separate from my wife, but the MC said we needed to. I moved out for 2 weeks, realized I made a mistake by leaving, and returned home.
We went on a trip for Thanksgiving, which was a disaster. She had been texting OM the entire time, while the trip was costing us almost $1000 for the night. I thought we were making progress, but the night ended with her throwing her rings back at me in downtown ATL. On the way home, she said she was filing for D the next day and moving out. She did neither.
When we got back home I decided to do the Love Dare. The problem I had with it was that many of the things it asks you to do I already did. Except for patience...ironically that dare was our night in ATL. I know now that I should not have done that, but it's too late. Shortly before I finished the book I found DR. I knew that I was in the LRT. W was adamant she wanted a D, said she was moving out, ILYBNILWY, We got married for the wrong reasons, I never loved you, I was never happy...and on and on. Who was this woman and where is my W. That is all I could and still think about.
I attempted LRT, but failed. I don't know how so many people do it when everything is falling apart. I realized I am great at giving advice, but taking it is another story. I got better, but at times I still cried, begged, pleaded, remember all of the good times...here look at these pictures I put up, but nothing worked. I still told her I loved her, and she would tell me the same. Sometimes I even believed she meant it. I would even get a small kiss when she left for work, so I figured to keep going with it.
However, she never talked about the future unless it was about her moving out and the D. She has continually stated she is over us, it is too late, she has moved on (and I almost, if not completely, believe her). She does tell me she loves me sometimes, and her actions are not consistent at all.
On 1/16/11, she packed a suitcase and left with her D to stay at a girlfriends house. That morning she went grocery shopping, planned the meals for the week, and asked me if I would destroy her property if she slowly started buying it for when she moved out (I told her I have never destroyed any property, she said she just wanted to make sure...I was not happy about the question but did not let her know it).
When she left, she said it was for a week or so to think, at least for the night. I broke down, cried for hours, pleaded with her, etc. She said she couldn't stand to be in the house, felt nothing for me, didn't I see this coming. She said she could see that I have changed but it was too late. She had already moved on. I feel as if she is not going to come back, except to get her property when she gets and apt.
I know I need to GAL, and have started. If W moves out, I will have to work nearly every day to pay the bills. She said she would help with some, but I don't make enough w/o significant overtime, which i fortunately can get. My 180 would be being more affectionate with her, going out to events with her, being more physical, etc...everything she would reject at this point.
W is also still seeing OM (don't know how often) and they talk regularly. She says she will not stop talking to him. I know I have to suck it up and deal with it right now, and I have accepted that. I just don't know what to do. I understood DR until I tried to do it.
I feel I don't have much time left and need any and all advice I can get. I don't know how we got here, but I want to leave this suffering and be in a better place.