A, my thought processes echoes what you did. I told H that if he chooses D, he has no control over us and I could go where I wat to, far away if need be, to live my own life and move forward. Some people say that this is bitterness, not forgiving, and punishing. But sometimes, it may be the best course for the LBS, and makes the WAS see that they cannot have their cake and eat it too.
angel,
Careful with this.
You may or may not have the legal right to move when custody and visitation get factored in.
"make the WAS see ..." oooooh ... what happened to doing things to be true to ourselves instead of to get reactions?
Bitterness? Maybe. Not forgiving? Most likely. Punishing? Absolutely, you even go on to say so. You know what else it is? Running. Running from the pain and difficulty and hard work that it takes to truly heal. Detachment by distance (hmm, that might be a new one guys!) is not necessarily loving detachment. What happens if his job transfers him and he moves to your new city for work or to see D13 ... do you uproot and run again?
What about D13 and her NEED to have her father in her life? Doesn't moving away make you the one that stopped the interaction, haven't you then interferred in the relationship?
FTR, I'm not talking about getting healthy, reevaluating your life and deciding from a healthy, healed place to start over or go back to school or move back to your home state.
Food for thought ... sorry for the small hi-jack TAMF ... Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
