I'm probably too old fashion to be much help to you b/c I don't believe it is appropriate to have more "guy friends" than women, when you are M. But, here's the thing, you've gotten into a place that you can't say very much (effectively)about suspecting an EA, when you've allowed these type of "friendships" with men.
I do believe that the man should be the primary leader of a family. That is not always welcomed by the W....and especially when the R is rocky....and especially if she's in an EA. Your decisions may not prove to always be popular, but you can't base it on trying to be a great pal (which I don't think that's what you're doing), but on what will have best outcome for your family.
Your W is not happy. She's trying to find happiness in other ways except through a MR with you. Perhaps moving back to family in TN would help her at first, but if the MR isn't what it needs to be, at some point she'll be looking for something else to make her happy.
How long at a time would you have to be gone from home? How do the kids feel about moving and changing schools?
My suggestion is that you try to make a decision based on how strong a father, husband, leader, protector, and provider you could be--in either location. If you are the leader that your family needs, then I think your W will either adjust to that....or else she wouldn't be happy with any decision you made. But, that just "old fashion me".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
