Do not tell your W that you are changing. Just do it. She's right, she's heard all of that in the past and she'll pay no attention to your words now. She wants to see the action.

Here's what I've learned over the years.....if we gain something by very little effort, then we don't try as hard to keep it. You have admitted to not keeping friends for any length of time due to being hurtful or offensive. That's not very good. frown Have you discussed this with an IC? When an adult is not able to maintain R's with friends or loved ones, there's a problem somewhere.

What I'm saying is that no matter how good your intentions are about changing....I have my doubts that you will be able to keep those changes--if your W agrees to stay in the M. You've apparently tried it before and based on what she said....you didn't stick with the changes. What makes you think you will this time? I know you're scared right now and that's driving you to think you'll hang with it, but if she comes around too quickly....you won't.

That's why I asked what your strategy was. I think a person has to have a bit more than just thinking they'll change for the better. For instance, you need to be accountable. You need a person (not your W) that you tell what you've done well...and what you've done badly. You need a person who will kick you in the behind when you get out of line and tell you what you're doing wrong. Believe me, you won't make this huge change without accountability.

You need to give yourself assignments. Then you need to grade how well you carried out the assignment. You'll have tests....give yourself a grade on how well you passed the test.

You can start out with a daily check list, if necessary, and as a reminder to keep you out of those old patterns. Daily goals are what you need to work toward before you're ready to take on more.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!