Well darn - sorry I was right about the affair, but after you've hung around here for a while, you'll see there are only 3 or 4 scripts that people follow - so damned predictable.
I know you're hurting and have had the rug pulled out from under you, but I reiterate my points from last time:
1) SHE should move out, unless it is in your financial interest for her to stay in the home. Consult an attorney - you may be losing the right to live in the home if you stay away too long.
2) She has shown you something important about her character, character flaws don't really change. yes, there can be redemption and reconciliation but honestly - if she's this stupid and dishonest NOW, do you really think this is the person you can count on later in life, when you have cancer or she has a midlife crisis? Even if you won her back now - which is possible I suppose, usually once you move on they come running back - how would you ever be able to trust her with your future?
3) Work on yourself. We ALL have work to do on ourselves, that is the best thing to come out of DBing - a better you! Living well is the best revenge! My ex-husband left me after 27 years, I bought a drum kit and learned to play the drums in a rock band! I get a giggle out of imagining his face when the kids told him I was going on tour last fall!!!
Also - protect yourself financially. If you guys have any joint financial assets - move your half to another account. Close joint credit cards. If you have debt - work to get her cooperation in paying it down.
I know you're still shell shocked, but the sooner you start being PROactive about your life, the better off you'll be.
And don't worry about scaring her off. Get A Life, live it well, if she's CAPABLE of the kind of change it would take for you to trust her again, it's gonna take a while anyway. And she'll find you more attractive if she senses she's losing you, I bet.
But don't, under any circumstances, take her back without making her do the work. 6 months therapy and good behavior with complete transparency before you would even CONSIDER living with her again, okay???
