Big talk tonight. I am a wreck, need support.

[hope2011]

Denver and Gypsy, I just now saw your responses. I think the forums are having hiccups. Glad I see them now.

Gypsy, I totally understand. With being sick most of last week it was hard for me to keep up with everyone and when I checked in it seems so much had gone on in so many threads that I was lost. I try to keep up, but it's hard sometimes. I understand!

Denver, I am so outnumbered by the guys here. I knew that going in so I'm ok with that. I am involved in their lives 110%, probably too much for the teenage boys. I'm at their games, offered to learn to keep score for them (in the end, they picked another dad to do it), know all about the H's work and help where I can, know the boys' friends, very involved with the in-laws when I can be (they live out of state). I am very family oriented - I want to be a part of their lives. I knew coming in that they already had a family dynamic of the 3 of them and I'd have to fit in with them. Trouble is, they never really embraced me. It's H's house, his stuff, his kids, his friends, his work, his hobbies. He tolerates my works, family, friends but never really embraced being in my life. After 2 years of marriage, I guess I accept that now. That I'll be alone a lot in my world and present in his and that he's never going to want to fully merge our lives, families, friends, work, etc. I only frustrate myself trying to change that. I instead focus on being in his life more... hoping he'll see it and come around into supporting me more. He does make more effort when I do this. Next time, I will go with them. If even to just sit in the stands reading a book. I can hit and play... they just don't want me to because I'm a "girl". I was the only girl on a boys' baseball team growing up - catcher no less. I used to be able to hold my own. May make a fool out of myself if I try now though. That was 25 yrs ago. Oh, now I feel old. But I will try. Keep trying.