E.T. phoned home!!!

[Augtan]

Thanks! I was thinking today, yet again, that I really want someone who wants me! Until XH acts like he wants me, I am doing nothing, maybe the friendly texts here and there, but not at all pursuing. I know all the reasons why he retreats back into the tunnel after he leaves here and have been intimate and emotionally close, but it makes me feel bad and I am done feeling bad. There is no reason for me to push or do anything, I can't control him or even begin to guess what he is thinking or doing. It is a waste of my time, I just want to feel good about myself and be happy. I do that 95% of the time, but for a week or so after he leaves and is back in MLC world, I feel sad, miss him, long for him, remember all our good times, etc.

I guess I need to decide if feeling bad for that week or so is worth how I feel when we are together and if that time together is brining him further and further out of the tunnel or not. I won't know for a few months and that is fine, I am in no rush, don't really have the desire to date. I do go out with friends quite a bit and have fun, so I am just going to continue to do all that and leave him to hit rock bottom...he is really close!! No job, no family around, no money to do stuff like he likes to do (I don't think he can date with no money and he truly has none!!). So, unless he gets a job really quick, he might just have to face reality and come further out of the tunnel than ever! We shall see!

A