On Figurative Ledge - Talk Me Down?

[Denver_2010]

Hey Denver - Sorry I've been a little silent lately - work stuff and had a bad week (got a paper from the court).

Anyway, I don't want you to think I forgot ya. Just wanted to check in.

Stay strong and hope you are doing ok.

Thanks Zeng. I hope that you are doing ok too.

[Denver_2010]

Just journaling a little here about contact bw W and myself...

1/16/11

W initiated text conversation re nook (digital reader that I bought SS for xmas)

W: “SS’s nook is broken. the glass shattered. it was in his backpack. Any chance there’s any warranty? Not sure it would cover it anyway. He’s pretty upset."

Me: “Damn. Have him bring it iwth him on Saturday. I will see if I can deal with it. I don’t know though.”

W: “I know. It S*CKS. He assumes that the case is enough protection but it obviously wasn’t. I feel bad for him of course, even though he’s being rude to me”

Me: “He’s just upset. I will see what I can do. I’d just buy him another, but ouch. Maybe I can get the screen replaced. That does suck.”

W: “I don’t know anything about them, but it would be nice if it could be fixed rather than replaced. I will send it with him and you can look into it. Thanks.”

Me: “ok. Make sure to send the box it came in if you have it”

W: “I think we threw it out. I will look.”

W: “I picked up my mail tonight. Your mom is still there I see. Tell her hi for me. I lost my voice. Too much work and very little sleep. Got a long day tomorrow.”

Me: “I’m sorry that you’re having to run yourself ragged. I know that you are working your a*s off. My mom just came back up on Friday. I will tell her hello for you. Goodnight.

W: “Thanks. Night”

-----

Not much good or bad in that convo. Still, I am somewhat encouraged that things seem a little friendlier bw us. Sandi seems to be right though, it's as if W is DBing me in some ways!

[sandi2]

So what did he do once that backfired that changed things around for YOU?

I think you must be under the impression that my H was like you and coming here for advice. He wasn't. That is what's different in my stitch, I was the one who found this board and was seeking help. He had no tools, no game book. You do have the tools. Take advantage of that.

The only positive thing that my H did was to leave me alone. I think he gave up to some extent and decided he could not force me to love him. During that time that he left me alone, I started getting information here on the board.

I have seen very few WAW's come through here. It is not an easy thing to do when the majority are LBS.

[habitacker]

Sandi

This is the part of your sitch I have always been confused about.

You were seeking help, How was that WAW? I am not trying to sound like a jerk or anything, it is just that I am confused by this.

When I first learned about WAW, I saw that they just "walk away" They don't want to try. They are not searching for something like this site. This is where I see my W.

I am leaving her alone when it comes to anything involving R. Nothing with her has seemed to change since day 1. I am pretty sure we are going nowhere.

I am also confused by how many people on here post all the time about conversations with their wifes concerning R. I thought we were not supposed to do this?

Since D-day, there has not been one word by my wife or I, about our relationship or marriage.

[hope2011]

Just checking in on you, Denver, and sending some prayers your way. Here's to hoping it's a good week for all of us!

[Denver_2010]

Thank you very much Hope. I'm doing a bit better the past few days. I tried posting some responses and an update last night but none of it has shown up.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Just give it a little more time Denver, and hopefully you won't have to wait for your posts to...post.

While I am sorry you are here, I am glad that you are, you're an assest and a good example, as are others S&H and Pickle just to name a few, but not just those guys or gals for that matter.

Your advice is reasoned and compassionate.

Others have you covered very well and you don't seem to need another supporter when for the most part all I am going to be saying is "good job Denver", but Good job Denver.

[Denver_2010]

Just give it a little more time Denver, and hopefully you won't have to wait for your posts to...post.

While I am sorry you are here, I am glad that you are, you're an assest and a good example, as are others S&H and Pickle just to name a few, but not just those guys or gals for that matter.

Your advice is reasoned and compassionate.

Others have you covered very well and you don't seem to need another supporter when for the most part all I am going to be saying is "good job Denver", but Good job Denver.

Thanks Jack! I certainly wouldn't mind if you check in now and then though.

[2stepboogie]

Hi Denver,

I’ve read your situation and it is very similar to mine. W left in October yours in November. I am praying for you buddy this is some dark days we are traveling through. Wish some of you guys lived in Jersey. I would love to hang out and just have someone to talk to you.

[FellOnBlackDays]

Denver,

Remember any communication is good communication. That is the way I look at it right now. Look at the double-edged sword that I am facing right now. Yes, my wife is now talking to me on a daily basis, but it is to talk about organizing her move. But, it is communication. After going two months without speaking a word to each other, anything is better than nothing. It is adding "normalcy" to the R. Sure, you and I are scared that they could be setting us up for the D or worse. But, we have to take pleasure in the small victories.

I had an awful day today. But, I saved it by going to the gym and having a nice dinner while laughing at some TV. I then came here to check up on my BITS. No matter what she does, she can't take that away from me. I saved my day regardless of what she wants.

Look, do what I did. Put a sign on your mirror where you get ready for work each morning. Write on that sign, "I am going to DB today NO MATTER WHAT SHE DOES." I stand there each morning and read this aloud to myself. It is the one thing that keeps me going.

Keep me posted, buddy. Remember, each time they talk to you and you are cool, they can't go to bed "villianizing" you as they have for the past weeks and months. Don't fuel their anger or imagination. I honestly think this is why my wife is more friendly. She has NO fuel for her "hate fire" because the H she once wanted to punish has disappeared...

FOBD