I just read your posts and I am sending you big hugs. This is a crappy way to be.

Please keep DBing for yourself. It is very important that you become the person you should be for YOU! You cannot have another successful R or fix the M you are in, if you only change for a short time. And yes I know we all want things to change RIGHT NOW. Patience is something that is soooo hard. You can do this.
I am not here on the boards because I for sure want my H back. I am very undecided about this. I am here because I need to get better and I need all the support I can get. I will decide what to do when Iam who I want to be.

Don't stop posting here because you have given up on your M. Journalling on here is a great way to get through every day.

Take care of yourself!

Me:35, 2 kids from PR
H: 37, 2 kids with me
T: 15 years
M: 8 years in Feb.
Second walk out: 14-01-2011
H had PA: 2007