2 years later it's still not getting easier

[Augtan]

I talk all the time about the "instant gratification" stuff...hate it! It is all about "what can you do for me RIGHT NOW and this doesn't feel good RIGHT NOW, so I am not going to do it even if it is for the betterment of all, or it is the right thing to do in the long run for the kids or otherwise!!"

I know my XH is caught up in this so very much, I mean why else would you do the things he has done to our kids and not think there would be huge issues and consequences. He never sees the consequences until it is too late, then he says to me "you're right, I should have thought about that" or "I just didn't think that through and yes, now I know it was a bad choice and wrong, but what am I suppose to do now, it's over and done with" But, I always have a long discussion with my kids about it, cause I don't want them to think it is ever okay to do what he has done. And, because I forgive him it doesn't mean that I am okay with what he did or does, it is about me when I forgive him.

I hate the choices these people have made and how easily they made them, although I know what drives it and what is causing it, it doesn't excuse it. I know who my XH was before the ET took over his mind, but he is a 44 year old man, and should know right from wrong no matter what your thoughts are telling you.

I went through a mid-mom crisis around 34 yrs old, I got married early and had kids early so it came early. I had an EA with my high school boyfriend, it devestated my XH, I never even considered a PA or leaving my XH in reality, at times I fantazied about being out the "the box" of my life, but my logical side would take over and I would tell myself "is this really worth losing all I have; a loving H, great kids, beautiful house, the security of our 15 year relationship, etc." I always came up with "no, it isn't worth it, I have never lived with this man, I have no clue if we could make it long term, why would I lose it all for something I have no idea is good or not, just cause it is fun and exciting to have someone else notice me and say he wants me" My XH wasn't capable of pulling himself into reality when he had his EA/PA!! He didn't come from the family I do and had no one but me he felt accountable to, he doesn't believe in God and had no family. He knew I would be upset, but he would have the OW to make that better, so he went for what felt good. It isn't an excuse but it is what he did and it [censored]!!

OW is gone, which I told him over and over would happen, and I have asked him several times if it was worth all the destruction and he says "no", but for some reason can't just come home and fix it now. Maybe someday, but he just hates himself too much and is afraid I will eventually go back to "hating" him again and make his life miserable, he just doesen't trust I have let it go. That is my opinion, and it is not at all fun. I can't tell him anymore that I have let it go, he has to realize it on his own and only TIME will do that.

Whitney, I know your XW didn't have an affair, but she did the same thing in her mind where she wants to live in her perfect little world with freedom to do as she pleases, I know you say she will never hit "rock bottom" cause she is beautiful and has all the money she needs, but you just never know what it might be for her. Hang in there and continue to do what you are doing, cause what you did before didn't work, and what you do different now might not work either, but it might, with these nut cases you just never know!!

A