Had a big realization that OW actively pursued my H early on, starting months before bomb drop. A comment that D3 made sort of ‘clicked’ everything into place for me. Did a lot of looking at her & H and readjusted my view of them. Didn’t change much, but did help me understand better. It also let me see how damaged their R is.
OW is a HEAVY pursuer, and H is a HEAVY distancer. It’s only a matter of time before that falls apart. The best thing I can do is pull back so they can figure that out on their own. Also don’t want to encourage H to take D any more than he asks to. That will help keep D from OW.
I realized some things about H during this. He loves to be the hero and to take care of people, but doesn’t have healthy boundaries about it. He HATES confrontation, especially with a woman. He has a hard time taking a stand or making decisions, and is very passive aggressive. H is NOT a strong or determined person, though he wants to be seen that way.
In reality, he kind of drifts along, waiting for something to happen that will make his mind up for him. More often than not, especially in our M, H just follows along. I fought this in our M, but honestly it shouldn’t have been my job to make him tell me what he wanted all the time.
One thing that I have realized is that I do have boundaries, and that H knows exactly what they are. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be so secretive. I would even go so far as to say that my boundaries may be one of the things that drove H to move out so quickly.
