Punkin, CW, GAG & SA...thank you ladies for having such faith in me...maybe more then I have in myself...but I'm a though cookie so I will survive even that if it comes to it.
Had another bad exchange with H this morning....he called for a meeting saying that he wants to meet that he has things to give me. (lately he's been calling instead of emailing...strange)
I said fine, not knowing what things he had in mind, was thinking maybe it's about the SA...also thought that we would talk about a client quote that we are working on...well all he gave me is some business receipts and his personal bills for me to pay. Yes the bill for the new Iphone that he gifted to himself was there...I asked "was there anything wrong with the IPhone you had"? He said no "I just wanted to give myself a gift, do you have anything against that?" I said no, as you know I didn't say anything when you emailed me that you bought it". He said "I thought that you would reply that you are happy for me" (Seriously"????). I said "I was just thinking about the environment, it's seems wasteful, you had a perfectly good Iphone, but I didn't want to say anything, it's not a big deal ...if it makes you happy" He said already angry "You can have the old one if you are worried about the environment"...gee thanks...btw he already gave it to D...so now she has a Blackberry and an IPhone...what is he teaching her????
I got off of that subject and asked "that's it nothing else you want to talk about?" he said "that's it". So again no mention of the SA. I was also surprised that he didn't want to talk about business so I asked for an update on current jobs in progress he reluctantly replied and then I brought up the quote and told him that I need his input on some of the points and...he started to get into defensive right away...telling me that if I can't do it on my own, he may as well do it himself...I told him that we need to try to work as a team....we were both starting to get argumentative and the business discussion wasn't going anywhere...then he asks me how is my job hunting going...I said that I'm looking but it won't be easy to find what I want I'm 53 and that is a handicap these days...never thought that after 20 years running our own business I would be put in this position"...H said angrily "I put you in this position?" I said "Actually yes you've put me in this position"...He said something like "it's been a year and you are still not over this?" I said "So you think that because it's been a year everything is OK now? What you have done it's not OK"...he got up and stormed out.....
Well he is right...after a year I should know better then to let him push my buttons and let him provoke me...I should know that he is a selfish a** and it's all about him and there is no point to any discussion with him...I should know better...
I have so enough of this...need major space from him right now....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Oh God forbid they have to take responsibility for the hurt they have done to their family and others. You are right. He is an a$$hat.
I had to submit that over the past 8 months I have made a total of 10,000 dollars. Compared to his 56,000. And then explain why I deserve alimony. AARRGGHH!
"It's been a year and you are still not over" our 33 year marriage? OMG! Can't wait til I hear what idiocies my H comes up with at the L's office.
Mila, you are a much better woman than I. I'd have been arrested on assault before the conversation was over. Not helpful advice, I know, but WTH! I'm taking strength from women like you on this Board for my meeting at L's with H. If I want him to feel anything from me at all, it's pity. (Sorry, been drinking wine this evening. In fact, had a liquid supper, so to speak)
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Hey girls...you are giving me a good idea...I think that I'll have a glass of wine with my dinner tonight... maybe even two...three?
H actually sent me an email after the meeting, apologizing for storming out but blaming me for why he did....I didn't reply...I'm so done with him today....maybe I'll reply tomorrow.
Did make another date with my male friend....H sure is making it easier for me...which guy do you want be around?...the one that torments you or the one that really enjoys your company and thinks that you are fabulous?
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Did make another date with my male friend....H sure is making it easier for me...which guy do you want be around?...the one that torments you or the one that really enjoys your company and thinks that you are fabulous?
Let us all think about that one!
But you know, from being on these boards, that he is still in the early stages of the MLC. All of us here can see the stages unfold for others, while in our own situation it just seems so up close and personal. I would say that you need to protect your assets in the business, and take legal advice if you haven't already. Your h's spending and reliability just might become more erratic. I suspect that you are entitled to half the company. But act sooner rather than later. All the people I know, including myself, who have gone through this wish they had acted sooner. Even if you reconcile there is less financial damage to deal with.
I know in some companies the people who work in it are the main asset, and that is a problem in valuing it. If it helps, way deep down he is angry at himself for his behaviour, and is lashing out and blaming you
Thank you Bea. I know that he has a long way to go in his MLC...I just don't want to be in the line of fire anymore...he can start tormenting someone else...ideally the OW lol. I want out of this madness...have to find a position that would somehow keep me and D living in similar lifestyle and get out from our company....wish me luck...I wasn't making up that being 53 is an issue...it is an issue...but I'll find something.
About protecting my assets...well my lawyer gave him the draft of the Separation Agreement in mid November...he's been sitting on it for 2 months now...In the end H may end up with the company and I'll get the house and few other things....
Financially H is totally in lala land....business is loosing money and he's been talking about a new car for himself, new laptop for D, promised D a trip to Europe as a graduation present...and the list goes on.
I know that he hates himself for what he has done, I don't think that he is able to fully face it yet and if any consequences of his actions are brought up in a conversation he lashes out...can't deal with it....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
If the business is truly going down the tubes as you have indicated, it would perhaps be best if he did get it and all the responsibility that entails. Including the various lawsuits that inevitably follow the fail of a business. I know you helped build that business, and that it truly hurts you to see it this way, but Priority #1 is PROTECT THYSELF.
Take the house or whatever and extricate yourself from the business. Make sure that you being free from any kind of legal wrangling following it's demise is clearly stated. I saw this happen to a friend of mine once.
Know I'm a downer, but I'm also a realist. CYA!!! ((HUGS))
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
I wasn't making up that being 53 is an issue...it is an issue...but I'll find something.
I am 46 soon to be 47 and I can tell it is hard to find something at my age! But, I am keeping my faith and looking everyday. I will be praying for you as well.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Mila - I do know about the age thing - I was around your age when it started. I also know that the commercial world is tough out there right now.
My standard of living is considerably lower - it has to be. Together we lived well, but when you split and one party goes on a spending spress, the outcome is obvious. But, as with all of us, in some ways this is the least of our worries.
I am gradually rebuilding my life, and new business opportunties are opening up to my surprise. Things have a way of happening . . But ageism, particularly for women I would say, is rampant.
They do hate themselves, but it doesn't seem enough to cause them to take positive action! Take care.
