On Figurative Ledge - Talk Me Down?

[Denver_2010]

I was battling that also, so I talked with my C about this. He stated that my W didn't just "jump ship," so to speak. He asked me, "When did your wife actually move out?" I replied, "First week in September." He replied, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but there is a very good chance your wife was emotionally checked out of your marriage some time in February or earlier." I was floored, but it made sense. It was about that time that she stared refusing to have sex with me. So, during her visit on Tuesday night, we discussed this and my C was right. She finally openly admitted that she has been depressed and wanting to leave me for over a year. You see, to us it feels like they suddenly flipped a switch and stopped being our W's. But to them, this has been going on for a very long time. They are much farther down the "road of grief" than we are right now because they had a head start. Don't focus any longer on this. Just focus on what you can do to take care of yourself and what you can do going forward to make the necessary changes to get her attention again. You can't change the fact that she is emotionally checked out. So, just forget it. Focus on what you are going to do to change this going forward. This will do two great things for you: 1) You will feel better about yourself 2) This will help to get you caught up to her on the "road of grief." It will be much easier for the two of you to communicate in the future if you are at the same mile marker on the "road of grief." This is not my thoughts by the way. I stole all of this from my C, but it does make sense.

I think that this is dead on and very good advice. Thanks FOBD