Sorry to hear all this. I hope the board can help you greatly. It will be easier to provide advice if you provide some personal info, yours and her ages, any kids, etc?
First thing thar strikes me is, you feel you waited too long to contact her initially, can you elaborate on why you think that?
How do you know about the drinking and the actual filing for divorce? I can see you are spying, which is a serious topic in itself, but you wouldn't know these details from phone records only. What else are you doing that is giving you this troubling information?
Looks like you have done "okay", (compared to a lot of people anyway) with the not pressuring, but you can see that the letter and the phone call did not bring forth the responses you were hoping for. She may have felt pressured, or just didn't know how to respond, or just flat out didn't want to. Hard to say. My advice is to avoid sending her any more emails, because you can't take back the things you say in print. It's always "out there" and you might wish you hadn't.
More details are always best to help give you better advice. Sounds like you are very cognizant that your EA really strained your marriage, it would be helpful to know more about that too.
In the meantime, are you doing things for yourself or are you crippled by thinking of what she's doing every waking moment?
Let us know a bit more about these things. In the meantime, I wish you well.
M-34 XW-32 D-7 Found OM's presence 4/09 Separated 12/09 Divorced 8/10 GREAT relationship as coparents since 8/10
