Listen, I'm so glad you brought this topic up because I've been thinking the same thing. I'm very lonely and sometimes enough is enough especially since I strongly suspect my H is getting some from OW anyway. I'm not saying that I would do something because I'm not prepared for the consequences but I think about it nonetheless...
I get it Harrier... I think I'm feeling this way cause I have not seen W for 4 days and still 3 to go.. My mind is racing... Since I'm not with her it easier for OM to slip into her thoughts. I know its irrational because OM can slip into her thoughts any time..
I know it's my insecurities..
And BTW, OW is a thought. I need to be honest with all of you and myselfto keep me in check..
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
Sad, I too wonder why am I doing all of this and getting nothing in return. I guess it's because I really love her and will keep doing all the work until I reach a breaking point. The loneliness coupled with her betrayal makes living life unbearable at times, but I know this will pass.
I agree with mr bond on the expectations and seeing ow.
Don't get me wrong I've had thoughts about ow, but I just can't do it.
Hell, I'm 51 and better get in the game before all my hair and teeth fall out! (gotta keep some sense of humor)
Being apart must be especially tough, try your best to focus on other things. Worry and speculation will get you nowhere.
Belive it or not I envy where you are, my w moved out of the bedroom 3 yrs ago only now do we hug and maybe I can kiss her cheek.
I'm sure your w is working on her issues, you are going to have to accept her timetable, keep working on yourself.
SBH, I question if you do get it because you've brought this up multiple times. I mean everyone here who is in your stage or similar has these thoughts. But for you it seems like it's your only thought. You've talked about how you had women hit on you, you've talked about the dangerous game WAS play, you've talked about how you the pace isn't fast enough, etc.
If you really "got" it, you'd kinda know. I'm not saying your aren't going to feel frustrated at times. Heck, I'm frustrated. But it is not a QUID PRO QUO situation. You aren't doing these things because you expect something. You should be doing these things to make a life change for you. And hopefully, your W will see that and fall back in love with you, etc. If you are only doing to win her back, then you will be right back here, I promise that.
I know (or at least you tell us) that you aren't this way in real life and you keep things cool around your W. But you are still having those feelings and if you don't address them then you are in for trouble, I fear.
Sandi has given a ton of great insight to the mind of a WAW.
As for the OM. She thinks about him. Heck, she probably still has feelings for him. But she is choosing to try to work things out with YOU, not him.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
Sad.... you are doing so well. Most would trade places with you in a second. What are you doing?
No OW. No thoughts, no threats, no anything. You're hurting and so you want to hurt her too? Because subconsciously, that's what you're doing. Harrier is right, that is no way for man to act.
Speaking as a woman... if I was a WAS and was just getting myself together and trying to decide whether to stay with my H or not and he not only didn't keep his changes, didn't respect me, and judged me and then went out to do the same thing... I'd think I was right along, that he's a jerk and I was better off without him. You're supposed to show her what she could be losing... the best man in the world for her. Be that man.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
But I hear ya on the loneliness and wanting to be loved and wanted. We're all there. Even those of us piecing miss being wanted. I think if we're all honest, we all have thought about that. Just don't take that anywhere near reality or risk all your hard work.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
These are my feelings, my thoughts, my fears... I need to get them out...
You are my support system...
Had a few convos with W today. All pleasant, upbeat and casual.
Just dying inside today.
I need to focus. I have to give a presentation to 230 people on Wednesday..
I'll get through this...
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
We don't do this to bust your b****. We do it because we want you to succeed. Part of being a support systems is having a place to vent, but I think we are also here to call people out when they are headed in the wrong place so you can succeed.
I know you need to get these feelings out. Do you talk about them with your IC? or do they come out in MC (if you are going)?
I DO NOT want to see you make the same mistake I made NYE.
Good luck on your presentation.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
Off to group dinner... Going to have a few beers to bring my anxiety down.
Thanks for the well wishes on the presentation. The last thing I need is to lose my job.
Keep posting guys. It dies make me feel better...
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
