BIG NEWS IN MY SITCH - HUGE

[forward]

Trusting, I feel as if I know you as we have often commented that we are among a group with similar timing in terms of bomb, etc.. As you may have known from reading my sitch, I got a kind of half-@ssed apology, very MLC-ish in style, and just a few weeks ago. So...again, similar timelines. I wouldn't be surprised if others in similar timeframes get similar actions.

I think clarity may come in moments but I also believe that for some people, thinking gradually clears altogether. I am not sure that i have confidence that my X would ever be one who will come out of things, but I hope I am wrong as our D has been badly hurt.

Actions, not words. I would be kind as he needs kindness, but until you see him doing what he says, I wouldn't put too much stock in some great awakening. My X, for example, still treats me like the primary parent and as if he is "doing me a favor" watching our D. In the meantime, I have met someone new and X is increasingly unattractive to me.

Talk with him but let him initiate everything. You've done a good job of holding boundaries and should hang up if he is rude and/or scary towards you, as I know he has been in the past.

I think that when they have been gone as long as they have, you have to consider they are strangers. I don't feel I know X, but I don't particularly care to know much about him any more anyway. It is not the "old" X that you will ever see again. It is a new person you haven't really met.

As far as OW, I'm not sure we can understand where they are with such things, but would have to guarantee you that her shine is no longer so fresh. Once you have lived with someone for a while, their faults become obvious. Welcome to Reality Island, where you're stuck with someone you don't want while you've treated everybody around you like _hit for some time.

So...you might consider that it would have a good effect on your kids if your X grows up some, but as far as your heart...sure, you will spin some, but I wouldn't let go of it too easily. Maybe just be polite and a little friendly, if he initiates it.

Another thing I noticed is that X said he would contact some long-ago friends. Friends who, it should be said, he spoke of with scorn during the Bomb phase.

I'd be surprised if he did contact those friends and might be surprised that he gets an extremely cool reception. He wasn't even invited to their wedding.