Punchy, I see very similar behavior with my w. I will offer to do her laundry, clean up after meals etc., sometimes she accepts, sometimes not. I'm at a point now where I don't let it bother me as much if she rejects my offers. I think we slip into mindreading and that is a hard to stay away from right now.(my IC said mindreading is a big no-no)
I was selfish, insensitive, miserable in the past, but I've been working on that and if she accepts my changes fine, if not, then they will be for me. I have many years of bad behavior to erase, so I accept the fact that it may take a year or more for her to be convinced I've truly changed.
As for the om, I'm pretty sure when my w doesn't have contact or he's pouring his heart out to her (via cell ph) she's not all there, very distant.
I may be wrong, but I have adopted an determination to wait this out and let her feelings for him die a slow death.
When I feel down or think its hopeless, I sob only in private.
I think its been said here before, this process does NOT work in a straight line, there's going to be plenty of zigs and zags. We all want this to be over now, and want our w's back so we can show them how great things can be. Unfortunatly some people have a hard time forgiving and forgetting the past.
