E.T. phoned home!!!

[Augtan]

I don't even know where to begin. I have posted to some other people on here, some stuff, but not had my own tread in a long time. I have no idea where XH is in his journey of MLC. I have no clue where I am in my journey to recover from all this. I do know that I have learned so much about me and who I am, what I want, and I have grown from all this more than I ever imagined. I know that I was very complacent in my marriage, I never believed that something like this would happen to us. Like so many on here, my XH loved me so very much and we had a pretty good marriage, better than most I have heard about that ended in divorce, but since mine was due to MLC, it par for the course.


XH and I have a very weird relationship now. I have no clue how to even explain it. I could go on and on about stories of the past, but what I really want to know is how to handle the future. He left here yesterday to go back home (he lives 700 miles away). He had driven our D18 up here to come back to live with me after living with him since June. We are no where near the "piecing" stage, but I want and need some advice on how to get there, although I don't think there is much more for me to do, it is up to him. When he is up here with us, it is like we are a family again, he stays at my house, we interact like we are still married, we get along great (we did have issues X-mas eve, but fixed it before he left and all was great this time). The other night, he opened up to me and really talked about stuff that had happened over Thanksgiving while visiting his "family". I listened and was supportive, always on his side and agreeing with his point of view, which I do, so it's easy. This isn't the first time we have been close to getting somewhere, in the Fall, the same things were going on, he drove 10 hrs and surprised me and we had a great family weekend, things were looking like they were headed somewhere, and then I pushed and pushed and he backed away, back into the tunnel. I am not going to do that this time, I know what I should be doing, leaving him alone, not contacting him first, if he does contact no "R" talk, just friends stuff, flirty, etc. But, am I missing anything? I am not going to pursue him. He is out of work, living alone again since D18 left, and probably pretty down on himself. I don't want to push him away again, but if there is supportive stuff I can and should be doing, I want to do it. I think he knows I am here for him and so I think I should just let him come to me if he needs to. But, the waiting and patience thing is so hard for me.

I vowed I wasn't going to do this in 2011, that I was going to move on from "standing" and stuff, but now since he was here again and it was so good, I don't know if I want to do that anymore. Someone said on here that they are walking down the hall but the door was still open. I guess that is what I am doing too. Any advice on where to go from here or what to do would be appreciated. I already have a full life, so GAL, doesnt' apply. I have and continue to know this is about me and I do take care of me and my kids, my job and school. I just want my H back, the real one, not the ET that took over and seems to call home every once in awhile, more frequently now, but not wanting to completely come home or even discuss it.

A