Slowly building again.

[MrBond]

Live and learn. You can't go back in time, just keep moving forward.

[Harrier]

I'm having real trouble getting past my NYE mistake. I've talked to my IC about. He said that what I did wasn't all terrible.

But honestly, I think it caused so many problems for us that I don't know where to begin. I mean I went about 10 weeks without ML since the bomb. I was okay with that because I wasn't sure that we could even do that so soon. The my W suggested it. It was great.

But I don't know where that leaves me. I'd love to be able to get that repaired, but it's a long slow process. I do get how my W was feeling about NYE, though. I did learn, but it is so hard to get past.

Anywho, last night my W wen to a party and I watched the kids. It wasn't too bad. On the way home my W got me a coffee from DD and we talked a little when she came home. I did notice that she was wearing this necklace that I gave her for our anniversary. It's three interlocking rings. I told her they represent our two sons and me. She didn't wear it for a long time, but recently started wearing it again. It was just something I noticed.

[Harrier]

I guess if I post on bad days, I should also post when things go right. Today was a really, good day.
No outward signs of affection but plenty of joking around like we used to do. It felt kinda normal. I'm not fooled though, but I think my W need days like this to show her how it can be.

My son had a play date at our house. That mean we had to clean the house first. I did some work and the W did some work. We took turns watching the boys. So really just hanging around the house for most of the day.

Then we went to dinner @ chipolte. I asked her if she wanted to stay in. But she wanted to go out. During the early part of our struggles, my W never wanted to do go out to eat as a family. That has changed.

While I would like to get some positive feedback, I expect nothing. There is no chance of ML so that takes a lot of the pressure off.

She also is talking about taking as ski day as a family. She siad that she wants to do it be cause it would be really fun as a family. Then mentioned that she wants to start having more weekend activities as a family. I think the "fun" element was kinda missing from our lives for a while.

Next week is our MC and I don't know how that will go. Every time I fear that it will stir up old emotions and the two we've had have been very positive.

Hope your Saturday was good.

[Harrier]

Man. I feel like that Sheryl Crow song, "everyday is a winding road.". I think piecing is a winding road and you never know what's around the bend.

Today is iffy so far. I feel like my W is suddenly going to change course and re-drop the bomb. I have nothing to base this on. She is a little distant today and that brings up those fears. I hope to reach a day where her being cold or distant doesn't stir up any fears. I think it will be a long time though.

So I just ask her if she is doing ok. She says she's a little burned out on staying at home and a little burned out on everything. By "everything" she means us (& probably a little work). I hate when she is like this. I know she is working in her way and I have those days too, but part of me wants to ask what she is so burned out about. I don't. I mean I working hard this weekend on myself and that translates into a easy weekend for her. I just don't freakin know what is in her mind.

To make matters worse when she was dressing today she put on some sexy underwear and bra that I bought a few months ago. And she looks d*mn good in them. It's a nice view but it is also torture. LOL

Oh Sandi, I gots a ? for you. I noticed over the past few weeks my wife is more open about being naked around me (pre/post shower, dressing) now when you were in your EA or were WAW did you become lesd open about your body. I know everyone is different. Like you were shutting off H from even looking Just curious.

[MrBond]

"I know she is working in her way and I have those days too, but part of me wants to ask what she is so burned out about. "

So why didn't you? If she says she doesn't want to talk about it then tell here you're there if she wants to talk and leave it at that. Maybe you could have even done something for her that would have SHOWN that you were there but not verbalizing it. Like offering her tea or something.

Sounds like she'd be much more receptive to those things now.

[Harrier]

Good ideas Bond. if this continues I will ask her. But I don't want to appear to be the idiot husband who doesn't get it.
Just in a weird place now.

I guess after reading DB and having no R talk hammered into you, I get a little reticent to talk about things that are burning her out. Yes I assumed (I know wrong) that it was the M stuff when it could've been nothing to do with that.

So instead I watched the kids while she went out for a run.

I feel in someways my W is regressing through the WAW. I mean she's been really griping about little stuff lately. This morning she had to run into work for her credentialing. She came back and starts griping to me about the dogs. She then asked why I was so grouchy, I told her that she just started in on me. I mean it wasn't a huge blow up or anything. I think it the past, it could have easily gone that route.

She later apologize via text for being grouchy. I do wonder about how this grouchiness is affecting our ability to move forward. I mean for the most part, we've been drama free the past 5 days or so. But I also don't feel that we are progressing either. Good thing we have an MC session on Friday. Those are usually productive.

I know this week is going to be tough on my W, mostly with work. So I'll just try to make things good for her at home.

One of the things, I'm most surprised about is how much I enjoy my W as a friend. I know we lost a lot of that, but it's good to see it start to come back.

And like I said, she is clearly looking for opportunities to do things together and as a family. She asked me yesterday if I wanted to do a 5K with her and we'd get a sitter for the kids. Then today she asked me if I wanted to go to an open house as a family. So with that stuff I' see she's trying

[Concerned_Listener]

I guess after reading DB and having no R talk hammered into you, I get a little reticent to talk about things that are burning her out. Yes I assumed (I know wrong) that it was the M stuff when it could've been nothing to do with that.

I know this week is going to be tough on my W, mostly with work. So I'll just try to make things good for her at home.

One of the things, I'm most surprised about is how much I enjoy my W as a friend. I know we lost a lot of that, but it's good to see it start to come back.

And like I said, she is clearly looking for opportunities to do things together and as a family. She asked me yesterday if I wanted to do a 5K with her and we'd get a sitter for the kids. Then today she asked me if I wanted to go to an open house as a family. So with that stuff I' see she's trying

You identify significant positives in your situation. The restoration of the platonic relationship is a foundation for intimacy. You and I have to do the work of creating intimacy. I wouldn't be too conservative about R talks, in the sense of changing patterns to solve problems, or to show your W that you're attuned to her concerns. I've learned that if my W is grouchy, and it's about me, I better take it seriously, and find out what she wants me to do differently. It may be trivial to me, but to her it could be a sign of disrespect, or selfishness. I'm buying into the idea that we have to put on our raincoats, and walk into the storm of emotions with our W's during the platonic Piecing phase, so that they can see we're there for them, and trust it.

CL

[FindingMyVoice]

I'm buying into the idea that we have to put on our raincoats, and walk into the storm of emotions with our W's during the platonic Piecing phase, so that they can see we're there for them, and trust it.

OMG. Way to say it CL. Amen.

[FindingMyVoice]

I wish my H would put on his raincoat and walk with through the storm with me right now. I'm tearing up.

(sorry for the thread-jack, Harrier. CL's description just gave me SUCH an emotional reaction. He really gets it.)

[Harrier]

No problem, finding.

CL, I get that but the funny thing (not really ha ha funny) is that the thing she was grouchy about was something I did not even do. (I'm not saying it wasn't valid though) Basically, one of our dogs somehow got a towel out of the hamper to lay down on. My W's gripe was "Why do you let her sleep on the towels?" I said that I don't but would make sure the dogs are put away for the night. She then said the grouchiness wasn't really about me but having to stay home with the kinds today. (MLK day)

Later she sends me a text and said that she felt really bad about griping at me because I did some chores before heading to bed. She'd been talking about us taking down the XMas tree and decorations for like 2 weeks. I finally just did it last night.

She also gave me a nice compliment yesterday. My W bought a new mirror and it was in kitchen. Every time I passed the kitchen I saw myself in the mirror and it startled me. Finally, I told her about it, as it was kinda funny. She said "Were you like who's that good looking guy in the kitchen?" Ahh the little things.