Just wanted to post an update. No big changes. I am still seeing H several times a week and we are texting/calling daily. I am battling my feelings of ambivalence about H and our M. I know these are feelings that will change. Underneath it all, I love him.
I know that the emotions of everything have caught up with me and are wearing me down. So, I am just trying to keep things light and to focus on myself. I realized that much of my activity, thoughts, etc. are still structured around H. I'm working on switching that up and putting time, energy and effort into focusing on me. It's hard, but it gets easier and more do-able with practice. I literally force myself to stop thinking about H (or whatever situation/circumstance concerns H) and instead think of something else that has very little do with him and everything to do with me.
That might be why I haven't reported back here. Because when I post I tend to focus on him and our sitch and it's frustrating. It's far less frustrating to focus on me, to plan out my day, to revel in the small things and pursue my goals. I guess in many ways I have been LRT'ing without knowing it.
Me: 33, H: 32 M: 12 years T: 13 years No kids D-Day: 7/2009 Separated: 10/12/10 Future Unknown GITS
"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark." - Adele
