18 Years of Marriage - Leaving in June

[ScaredinCanada]

I wish there was a "Like" option that I could select for Habit's post. It's so true, and I'm in the same spot now...I finally feel I've detached. I feel confident in myself - no idea where my M will be, but at least I'm using a strategy that is having positive result for ME.

This is obviously not an easy road no matter which road you take, but we can all do it. We can get to a place where we can be in control of ourselves - empower ourselves to be happy and work on being the person we want to be, because regardless of our W's we need to be the best Dad's, Son's, Brother's, Friend's...that we can be!!

Canada,

My wife is listening to her Ipod singing out loud downstairs and I am in the atic with the kids. I know she was on this forum for some time, but she was the WAW and still was looking for advice.

Would it be dumb to mention to her I am trying this now?

I don't know if it's a good idea to mention specifically that your using DB "tactics" or that your getting advice from this website regardless if your W came her before. 2 reasons for this...

1) You said your W came her in the past, she may or may not think positively of the experience or may not believe that you are really changing for YOU if she thinks your doing what people you do not even know are telling you to do.

2) I tried to tell my W a number of weeks ago, that I was getting advice from an online forum/support group for marriage issues. She resented it big time, because she thought I was using it to make me her feel like "everyone goes through this" or "our sitch is not different" she wants to believe that we have "all these specific problems that are unique to our sitch" because she wants to believe she is doing the right thing.

I'm honestly done telling her these things or trying to convince her to try. I'm becoming a new person both physically and emotionally, and if she is too stubborn to see that or she doesn't believe I'm really changing - then that's her loss.

I'm just worried that eventually she grows to regret what she's lost and by then I may have completely moved on, and there won't be a place in my heart for her anymore - but I have to remind myself that there is nothing I can do to change her. I need to remain focused on changing me, and be there for my kids while being a much more thoughtful and considerate person to all the people in my life.

Good luck sir, I know you can do it - because only a few weeks ago I didn't think I could. Now I KNOW I can.

SIC