Thanks for chiming in. I'm afraid that the filing has thrown me.
Sweetie, I know. There isn't much I can say to make it better I am afraid.
Originally Posted By: SeekingAnswers
He filed after 15 months, to me it means one thing. He wants me out of his life and there is no longer any confusion about that, if there ever was. It tells me his new life is much preferable over the life we had together.
Can I borrow your crystal ball? I would love to know what the lottery numbers are gonna be this week...
SA,
Stop trying to read his mind. Normal, unconfused people, do NOT wait 15 months to file. They do NOT drag out the painfulness of this. To me, this is simply another indicator of the confusion.
You used the lack of him filing as your safety net, my friend.
You may not realize it, but that action or lack there of, kept you stuck. Now, you are looking at things that you would have been better served looking at a long time ago.
He already walked out on the M. It has been over for a very long time. You know that. This feels like a fresh rejection because you had that safety net to hold on to. It really isn't a fresh rejection though.
And you have already witnessed that for him, nothing in his mind or behavior has changed with this action of his.
The paper, means little to nothing in that regard. It really is the business side of this whole mess. It is the part where you have to remove your emotions and keep this from destroying everything that you worked hard for in your life. It is where you have to remove the people from your mind and get the business done.
Every relationship we have has an emotional side and a business side. You have raised (are raising) 7 children. I am sure that on occasion you had to punish them, or treat them in a way that you didn't feel but was correct and necessary for the situation. And then when it was done, you still loved them. Find that part of you when you are dealing with this end of it.
As far as your perceptions, they probably were not really all that different over the course of the M. It is right now, where he has to see you as the bad guy, the cause of all his anguish and pain, that HE is viewing it differently. That is part of the crisis my friend. Another thing that you know.
And if it isn't, well then, it is really sad that he was so miserable for all of those years and didn't find any joy in any part of his life. And THAT, has nothing to do with you. (I don't buy it though).
(((hugs)))
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
