This weekend was interesting. As she works just down the road from me and we both work quite a ways from our home, we carpool to work 3 days a week. So Friday she picks me up from work, and she is not feeling well. We go home and have dinner, and its 7pm by now. I busy myself with some things while she "rests" on the couch. I stay away from her until pretty late. We sit and watch the late news, then go to bed.
Saturday - I work, then have an hour long appt from 2 to 3. Come home and she has the house spic and span (not her greatest strength). I could tell she had been busting her hump all day cleaning. She was also in a very good mood. Very talkative, kidding around, laughing, etc. I said "Somebody has been busy today - looks really nice" and went about my business. I chopped some wood, started a nice fire in the fireplace (she loves that) and did a mixture of some chores, and some hobby type stuff. Even though she said she still did not feel well, she was very upbeat. Sometimes, even kind of flirty. At one point I was sitting on the couch (the opposite end of her) which is normal anymore, and she laid down for a quick nap. She curled up and put her feet against my thighs. Now she hasn't done this in months. Hasn't made any contact with me other than curling up next to me in bed. She wakes in about 30 min, and more of the same - very, very friendly and upbeat. Playful, even. We have a very good day, and then she goes to get ready for bed while I wrap things up.
Now, for whatever reason, I decide to check the phone records really quick. I am thinking maybe she is in a good mood because she has quit having contact with OM. WRONG! I see that while I was at my appt, she had a 25 min phone conversation. Well that sure turned my day around in a hurry. But, didn't act any different and went up and went to bed.
Sunday - got up and started getting ready to paint upstairs hallway. It looked terrible. She was laid off for the entire second half of the year and was supposed to do it. I got tired of waiting. She said she feels really bad, but doesn't offer to help any. While I am scoping things out, she comes up and asks what I am doing. I explained what I was thinking about trim, colors, etc. She says, whatever you decide is fine - we'll be alright. I'm sure she must have misspoke, or something. Maybe just said it out of habit, like she does when she calls me "hon", or "babe" (which is pretty common). Anyway, I ignore it, and go about painting.
Go out for dinner with our kids, and my sister and her daughter. Again, my sister is the closest friend my W has. So, this is a good thing for her. We have a really nice dinner, conversation (although pretty superficial) and had a nice little get together. Rest of the evening went pretty well, also.
Today I don't have to work, but she does. Before she leaves, she makes several comments: make sure you have a nice day, have fun on your day off, if you need anything - call me, etc. After the last two days, and except for the phone call to the OM, if I didn't know better, I'd swear we weren't heading for a divorce. But I do know better.
I've been reading a couple of books, and one deals specifically with infidelity (emotional and physical). So now I know all the reason WHY they happen, and what you should do to prevent them, or even after they happen. Nothing about what to do WHILE they are happening. In fact, they all say about the same thing - the more the betrayed spouse tries to do anything, the worse the results. They have a life of their own, and it's separate from reality and from everything except for the two people involved. It's them against the world, and they are highly protective of their little secret life. TDR even says to do nothing, don't ask, don't spy, don't dig, don't even act concerned. It's really hard!
I know deep inside, that this EA will never last. And I also now know that my wife still loves me, but that her feelings are buried very deep. I also believe that at some point, my wife will crash and burn (most likely NEEDS to), and will want to think about getting back together. Wonder if it will be too late by then? Wonder if I will have moved on already.
