NKOTB

[tpc1977]

We are trying to work things out. Still making a little progress but one thing we can't get over:

She blames a lot. I love her dearly and I'm listening to her but it just seems that it's easier to blame than to ask for forgiveness and change. It's almost like she doesn't want to work on fixing 'us' just fix 'me.'

I'm the reason we fell apart.
I'm the reason she was with another man.
I'm the reason there was no happiness.
why she felt the way she did.
why she was angry.
why she was bitter.
why this ... and that.

I really do know that I wasn't a good man. I look back and hate myself for a lot of what I did. Right now I am working on everything I can to make changes not only for my family but for myself as well.

But every time we talk about what each of us needs in our marriage, she seems to make up an excuse as to why she never did certain things. And it's almost like she doesn't want to try now.

For instance, if I was to say that I needed to feel important to her and I wanted her to express it vocally occasionally, she would give me a reason as to why she never did that. Mainly, something I did to encourage her not to. Then she would say, I know I need to more... and end it. Sort of like, "Yeah, I should but I probably won't."

If we cannot work this out - realizing that we are both at fault and need to change - then it's going to be a longer, tougher, narrower road to walk down. One where one of us is walking and trying to drag the other. I don't see that working too well.

More payer. More faith. More work on myself.