Can I Save My Marriage Part 2

[zengypsy]

John:

Sorry for what you are going through. All of here can relate to each others stories in full or in parts. I can relate to most yours and it [censored] BIG TIME.

There is great support here. I have been dark with my H since Nov. I just try and keep as busy as I can - some days are easier than others I will honest. think about what he's doing, if he's with someone, is he going to re-think about the D etc. Then I realize that I will never know and can't spend alot of time wondering about the "what ifs". I have to continue to focus on me and all the progress I have made thru therapy, DR and this forum. The whole process is hard but if you re-read the DR book over and over, it becomes easier to implement.

My D looks like it's going to happen; my WAS/MLC'r needs to feel in control. I know he's not. I will let him go because I love him that much and I love myself as well. I know that the grass isn't greener and so will he someday. I will move on with my life but not give up. I have told him the door is open many times in many ways. He says TY and that in itself gives me a small ray of hope.

Your actions must support your words. It has taken years probably to get to this place so it's going to take time to work itself out somehow and it may be a D. But I think that some people need that finality of a D so they can really take that step back without any attachment and see what they had. Patience is key and it's been a very tough lesson for me since I am not a patient person. Instant gratifiaction never works and it especially won't in these circumstances.

Stay strong, keep working on you, get C if you haven't already. Do something opposite of what your W would expect you to do. GAL hang with your friends, keep a journal, paint a room, get a new haircut, clothes, volunteer, go to chuch, - show your wife that you are the person she fell in love with. And don't by into that bs that she wasn't she if she ever loved you etc. It's just their protection (warped if anything) - it's easier to blame the LBS for everything. WE have accepted our role in the break down of the marriage and someday they will too.