Now and Zen

[zengypsy]

Ok, so I'm sorry to my forum friends that I have been a bit MIA. Just been busy with work and was in a bit of a funk last week as I got a paper from the court.

In any event, just wanted to run an interesting conversation I had with my BIL and SIL on Friday. I was babysitting my nephews at their house. When they came home from their outing, we just sat around for a few chatting. We were having a conversation about a friend of mine who I've known since grammar school who's been married to an alcoholic for 26 years and has reached the end of her rope as he continued to choose alcohol over this family. My BIL who will be sober 2 years this July (very proud SIL) happend to mention after this conversation that his 2 older brothers (my husband is one of the older brothers) are their fathers son. I know he was referring to the alcoholism. My SIl said you never had to worry about your H with that right? And i said actually I have. I said I think he has been drinking alot more since he decided to leave. My H is a follower so he feels he has to "keep up" when there is drinking involved. The other brother is a very conditioned social drinker so no worries there. My BIL said he agreed that H is a follower and that alcoholism is a hereditary and progressive disease. He said that my H has alot of deep rooted issues he needs to work out and I said I don't know how that's going to happen since he doesn't believe in C. I said that no matter how you slice it, I feel there is no reason why this D is s/b happening. He said well, it doesn't matter that my H is a different person now and that heneeds to find this thing (not sure what the thing is) and work thorugh this thing his own way, in his own time. I said well, I know he's going to have regrets some day and he said that yes, he will have regret. I told him that these new age books H was reading are the cause as to why he left or one of them. BIL disagreed but I didn't push as to what he thought that was. He has peeked my curiousity though and I do value his opinion, so if another oppty presents itself to ask to clarify then I will. I explained to my BIL and SIL what role the books did have in his leaving based on the evaluation of my therapist.

In any event, just wanted to see what anyone thought about this conversation. I have a theory that my BIl/SIl do not necessarily agree with tha my H is doing either but that they feel my H has to basically see that th egrass really isn't greener even if that means going thru the D and/or that my BIL knows some info and is trying to tell me something indirectly.

Please note that I do not ever discuss my H with my BIL and SIL because I don't want them to ever feel they have to choose sides or they are supporting me more than my H. After all I understand that my H is my BIL's brother and I respect that boundary. I have always been close with my BIL and SIL especially because I am their youngest sons Godmother. They said that I will always be a part of the family no matter what happens which I get teary eyes just even typing it here. And they have held true on that.

I am hoping that maybe all my changes will get back to my H from spending time with them, but I don't know how often my BIL and H speak. My guess is it isn't very much.

So.....feedback on the sitch is welcome.