Here we go again!

[bethann]

Ok, it's been about a week and a half since I posted. Last Tuesday, on the 11th, I saw a lawyer. I didn't really want to, but alot of money issues were happening and I really didn't see any way out of it. So... on Friday, my H shows up at the house to get a weekend schedule for the kids and I ask him for his address. He gives it to me, but when I leave to go to the store, he follows me outside and says "Can I assume you are filing for divorce?" He's pissed with me. I respond, "This is what you want, right? I don't want this, but I have no real options here." Then, because he looks like hell, I say, "Are you alright, because you look terrible!"

Anyhow, he carries on for a good twenty minutes about how bad his life is, he can't afford anything, he isn't eating right because he can't afford it, he's running because he's stressed out so he's lost about 30 pounds, his roommate has reconciled with his wife, so now my h has to pay the whole rent, his car is a piece of crap, he's already racked up $4000 on his line of credit because he can't make ends meet, etc., etc., etc. So I make the mistake of saying, "Well, maybe you need to consider whether life with us was really so bad -- maybe you need to see that all your other women really hurt your life. Maybe you need to consider trying to make us work." TOO SOON, TOO SOON!!! He back tracked like crazy. Said we had tried and it just wouldn't work. I replied that, no, he was wrong and that we'd never really tried together, that at different points in our marriage, we'd each tried, but always seemed to be on opposite sides -- when he tried, I was convinced we shouldn't be together and vice versa. Anyhow, we sort of just left the conversation hanging. SO I feel good all night Friday, sort of like a door had been opened that had been closed for a while. He didn't scream and say he was never coming back, he seemed to be thinking about it, almost feeling me out to see what I would do. It was definitely better than before when it was a definite -- "it's NEVER going to happen, get over it!!"

But then, for the rest of the weekend, he was SO miserable with me. Almost like, he sees that financially he needs to R, but doesn't really want to. I had thought that his current relationship was over, but maybe not, maybe he feels trapped -- knows that financially he can't make it on his own, but still wants the girlfriend. Our marriage has always been about control. He feels like I need to be in control and I feel the same way about him. It's always been a power struggle. So, I guess I'm not really sure about anything. I don't know if anything positive happened here or not?? Any ideas???? What should I do next?