On Figurative Ledge - Talk Me Down?

[sandi2]

1. Same as everyone else, fear. It doesn't make sense to us.

Yes, I know it doesn't make sense, but the WAW is usually not very logical in her thinking. If she's in an A, then she's totally bonkers. The truth is that you can't afford to let her see the fear in you. It's almost like an animal sensing your fear and attacking.

2. I would like to know why this helps the WAW, and why it would help the WAW want back in the R, instead of making it easier for them to walk away.

I assume you are talking about detaching. It helps her b/c she is as done with this M as she can be (until D). Emotionally, she is already D. That is the cruel fact of the matter. It helps her when you detach b/c it is like clearing the air of your presence. She actually feels like she can breathe again. If you're detached, then you're not going to be getting on her nerves like you would otherwise. It helps her relax and to think more clearly without negative emotions taking over. Let's face it, that's usually what a WAW feels when she sees her Hk so she needs him to pull back and let her regroup (big time).

Look at it this way, think of a person you absolutely cannot stand. Now think of that person trying to be buddy-buddy with you all the time. How would that affect you? Well, that is how she feels toward you pursuing her. Just as you would try to figure how to get rid of that pest, she wants to get rid of you hanging on to her.

It's not making it easier for her to leave.....it makes it harder. How can she miss you if you don't leave her alone? Having space will give her time to work on her issues about you. If she's in an A, then it will get her attention in other ways that I won't go into right now.

It's something about human nature. She won't want your attention when she's having wrong feelings about you. But, when you aren't showing particular interest in her....and not giving her your undivided attention....then it will spike her interest into "why"....and she'll seek to find out why. Did you have a wake-up call? Well, the WAW needs one also.

3. Being in the same house seems to make it tougher to detach, but I leave her alone to do her thing the best I can. I was always gone in the past, and now I am always home. Mainly to be with the kids, this is part of 180. This being home contradicts detaching in her eyes I would assume, but I don't know how to do it differently.

I would just get out of the house and leave her alone completely, but it is just not going to happen with kids involved.

It is possible to detach when under the same roof, but it is difficult. Detaching is as much of an attitude as action. If you aren't following her around the house, making up excuses to say something to her, brag on her, get all melty-man if she responds to something you say or do.....then yes, you can detach.

The kids can be a perfect outlet for you. Take them and leave with them. Tell her, "Hey, the kids and I are going out to the park to play on the rides, then get a bite to eat before coming back home." Always have something planned that you can use for a quick back-up plan if needed on a bad night. Weekends should be packed with fun things. If you work, then make the most of the time you have with them. You can say, "The kids aNd I are going to drive around and get some ice cream. You are welcome to come along". But here's the important part.....you say that as you are getting them ready to go out the door and you don't look at her and you keep moving. You want her to know that you were being "nice", but wasn't waiting for an answer. A few times of that, and if she wants to go....she'll jump on it when you invite her. This is giving her an attractive side of you. She wants to be part of that.

When you can go out with your friends, then go, b/c that helps keep you nmore interesting. If you can act a little mysterous, then do so (without lying, of course.)

I could talk for hours on the reasons to detach.