I can't take this roller coaster ride!

[Rileybug]

Ugh,
I love coming to these boards to read everyones stories and getting advice but I feel so weak compared to you guys. I feel as if I am having a emotional breakdown. This up and down, tryin to guess his every mood, wondering what he is feeling, is he wanting to leave.....I want to stop obsessing about it. I am putting on a good face in front of him and my kids but I feel like my world is crumbling all around me and he has all the control.
For example he will ask my advice on clothes, share information about his guys night out, work, joke around with me, talks about the future and the next minute he is looking up aparments behind my back.

rileybug

[Denver_2010]

Don't worry Riley, you are not the only one who is feeling like there have an emotional breakdown. I have felt emotionally exhausted over my situation for days. I will just say to you what others are trying to hammer into me... detach, detach, detach.... Wish I could, and wanted to, take that advice myself.

[hope2011]

I'm there too. We all need to detach more and that way we won't feel the roller coaster as much.

I keep telling myself to stop looking at the tracks on this ride. To stop looking over the edge as we're going downhill and stop concentrating on the gravity pulling me back when we're riding up hill. Just look out at the view, see all the things we wouldn't see if we weren't on the ride. The trees, the hills, the landscape. Focus on that. Then the ride itself isn't our focus and maybe we won't get sick.

Will add you to my prayers.

[zengypsy]

It's hard, but WE can do it. We are better and stronger then our Kool-aid drinking spouses.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Riley compare yourself to you and what you want to be alone. Find strength in others, give strength when you can. But everyone has their own row to hoe.

[Rileybug]

Thanks so much everyone!! I really needed to see these posts today. I have been crying my eyes out all day.
After several weeks of progress and dbing by h stated sunday that he again thinks things would be better if we seperated. Come to find out he is emailing his female "friend" again after he agreed at Thanksgiving to stop all contact because I felt it was inappropriate to discuss our marriage with another women. He stated she is just someone he can talk to and acts like it is not big deal!!! WTF. He is drinking all the time now and on the computer non stop. When I straight out asked him what he wanted he stated he didn't know.
The next day he was on a trip and kissed me on the cheek before he left. That night he acted like everything was fine. Had dinner with me and the kids and sat and watched tv next to me after they were in bed.
I don't know what I am going to get from him one day to the next.
What do I do at this point....keep on keeping on or are there other things I should be doing?
Tori

[Denver_2010]

Thanks so much everyone!! I really needed to see these posts today. I have been crying my eyes out all day.
After several weeks of progress and dbing by h stated sunday that he again thinks things would be better if we seperated. Come to find out he is emailing his female "friend" again after he agreed at Thanksgiving to stop all contact because I felt it was inappropriate to discuss our marriage with another women. He stated she is just someone he can talk to and acts like it is not big deal!!! WTF. He is drinking all the time now and on the computer non stop. When I straight out asked him what he wanted he stated he didn't know.
The next day he was on a trip and kissed me on the cheek before he left. That night he acted like everything was fine. Had dinner with me and the kids and sat and watched tv next to me after they were in bed.
I don't know what I am going to get from him one day to the next.
What do I do at this point....keep on keeping on or are there other things I should be doing?
Tori

That's all that you can do Riley.... keep on keeping on. IMO, you need to continue working on detaching (again, the pot calling kettle black but oh well), GAL, and 180s. WE CANNOT control the actions, feelings or decisions of our S's. That is probably #1 on the list of things that all of us here need to learn. You can only control you. So try to stop worrying about what he is doing or saying. Let him alone right now and focus on your well being.

You could consider setting some boundaries re OW and drinking while he is in same home as you, but I will let others advise you here. My W and I are physically separated so I haven't been focused on learning the boundaries stuff so much. So the only thing that I feel that I can safely say about this, is that you need to be willing to back up any boundary that you do set with ACTION and/or CONSEQUENCES.

Keep posting Riley... and remember that you're not alone here.

Denver

[Rileybug]

ThanksDenver.
How do you set boundies without pushing them into a corner. I know my husband does not respond well when I have tried in the past.

I feel anything negative I do at this point will push him away. I am working on detaching and gal'ing. It is just so hard not knowing what is going to work.

Tori

[Denver_2010]

Like I said Riley, I don't feel very comfortable advising you on boundaries. It is not something that I have used in my situation just bc of the circumstances. So I"M going to have to let others advise you here.

I did come across a thread in MLC forum that was talking about it just a bit ago. It is Angel's thread over there. Good example of why you have to be willing to back any boundary that you set with ACTION and/or CONSEQUENCES. Don't set them if you aren't willing to live with what action and consequences you give to S.

[zengypsy]

Don't worry Riley, you are not the only one who is feeling like there have an emotional breakdown. I have felt emotionally exhausted over my situation for days. I will just say to you what others are trying to hammer into me... detach, detach, detach.... Wish I could, and wanted to, take that advice myself.

Ditto. I have regressed today. I have discovered I am still weaker than I thought.