Here we go AGAIN....

[wanda15]

So here I am again on this site. All I can say is thank heavens I knew it was here.I think it has been about 4 years since I have been here.

My story: My H and I have been together for 15 years. We will have been married for 8 this Feb. Things have been up and down since the last time he left. He suffers from depression and was on medication for it. He quit taking his pills for about a year and things went really south. He was not working and he was just sitting at home watching TV. Things picked up for him a few months later and everything seemed to be getting a little better. At least I thought so. Very wrong! He said he was not very happy and he was tired of renting and wanted to buy a house. So after a few months we ended up buying a house. After we moved into our house he was not working all the time. I would come home from work and find him looking at porn. And really weird unusual porn. At first I didnt say anything. I was sort of embarrassed to mention it because of its contents. One night after he had been drinking we ended up talking a little about it. It came out that I dont give him enough sex and not enough attention. Which he is right about. I do not give him enough. And yes I know I fall into the Sex Starved marriage category here. Dont get me wrong, we do have sex, probably 3 or 4 times a week. But its not the pornlike sex he wants. Anyways, the fight seems to be the same so he finally left again.

With all that said, I am not sure where to go from here. I am not even sure I want him to come back. We have kids together and it breaks my heart to see how this is affecting them. H has ben my BF for the last 15 years and it is weird not having him here.

I told him that he needed to give me space and that he was not free to come and go as he pleases anymore. I took the house keys and have told him that he has to text me if he needs to come here. H has a habit of coming and going as he chooses. I spend all day walking on egg shells wondering what his mood is going to be if he shows up. I told him I wasn not going to feel like that anymore so please stay away.

And yes there is a whole lot more to this story. I guess my biggest concern and question is about the porn addiction. How much of what he is looking at really what he wants...because if that is what it is he is looking for I definately can not provide it for him.

Thanks for reading this. Anyone with some insight on this matter would be a great help. I will post some more of my story a little bit later