Woke up with a migraine today which really isn't good. I don't want to appear that I'm moping around the house, but my head is killing me and there isn't much I can do.
Spoke with a friend last night who also works with my husband and I and was enlightened about a few things. He's basically on a campaign to "demonize" me. Our separation is all about me, I was a bad person, I couldn't handle the move, I pushed him away. I wrote an e-mail to him this morning and started with the fact that I am not angry and am not writing this from a place of anger. I asked him to stop saying the things that he's been saying especially to people that I am close with. I told him that he didn't need to demonize me to justify his feelings. I told him that I didn't cause his actions, that he chose his actions and that he needed to own them.
From the beginning, I've admitted that I failed in some pretty bad ways here. I cannot imagine, though, that everything is my fault. And I especially don't appreciate being portrayed the way I'm being portrayed.
Anyway, he's said nothing about the e-mail, but keeps showing up in my room asking if I need anything. He's trying to be nicer and I'm trying to be nice back but I don't especially feel like it right now. But we cannot always do what we feel, we have to do what is right. And being nice is the right thing to do.
It's amazing how quickly things can spiral completely out of control. It is not what I wanted for us. But we can't always get what we want either, I guess. He's obviously in a lot of pain. He's drinking a lot, has anti anxiety pills to sleep, has lost a lot of weight, is extremely restless, doesn't sleep, barely eats and he cries sometimes. My heart absolutely breaks for him and I hope that he's happier when he leaves.
