It seems to me that you're ignoring all the advice you're getting, while complaining that posters are advising you to go back to your H. If you read carefully, you will see that nobody is telling you to get back into a situation which you feel is abusive.
Instead, they're asking you to consider why you seem so determined to end the marriage. What is the underlying reason why you don't show a shred of affection for your H in any of your emails--just disgust, anger, fear, etc? After 10 years of marriage, this comes across as rather odd. Why are you so quick to assume the role of the victim? Why are you avoiding articulating what you want?
If you could examine these issues, you might begin to feel some relief from your pain. Have you considered seeing a counsellor to help you get to the bottom of the dysfunctions in your M? Even if you don't want anything more to do with your H, you will not be able to begin a healthy relationship until you examine these issues. I think every single person on this website can attest to that!
