Big talk tonight. I am a wreck, need support.

[hope2011]

I kept a positive attitude around him last night and today so far so doing well. They came home yesterday from batting practice and we went out to eat, rented movies (their pick) and played Scattegories with the boys for a half hour before H got bored. Today, they are back at the batting cage with a baseball coach, H is with them.

Last night, H and I snuggled at my request. This morning, we ML but there was no love from him there. No attending my needs, no kissing, nothing that would show he loves me and it wasn't just sex for him. First time we ML since Christmas so I'm trying to look at that positive.... at least he wants me and isn't looking elsewhere. But it still hurts. I'd still like to be wanted for me, loved, have him reach out to me to show affection. I miss him. I guess is this is step closer to happier so I'll take it. I just had higher hopes after the e-mails that things would be a bit better. I'm focused on him, making him happy, making him want to stay and work on the marriage. I need to focus on me more without pushing him away. It's awful lonely even with him here and I need to stop dwelling on that. I need to GAL still and keep the changes going and the 180's. I feel desperate, clingy, insecure and I hate it and it's hard not to show it. DB, DB, DB... focus on me a bit more and meets my own needs too.