Detachment issues

[AntoniaB]

Thanks dolphin and punkin! I appreciate what you've both said.

My sister came to visit the past day and just left. She brought my younger nephew and last night, I asked a coworker friend and his wife to bring their girls over and we all played Rock Band. It is quite a thing to see a 7 year old singing Blondie's "Call Me" :-) But I did something I didn't think I'd do--I sang a song that has become my "anthem" of sorts lately---"Best of You" by the Foo Fighters (google the lyrics if you don't know it) and the lines "Were you born to resist or be abused" and "I swear I'll never give in, I refuse", well, I belted that out with the most power I could, and for the first time I didn't bawl my way through the song. Instead, I smiled.

I see the way out, everyone. I see the way out of this grief and this pain and this trauma. I hit the top of that mountain in the past 24 hours for the first time, and I know that doesn't mean it's all "over" and there will never be a slipping back, but I see the way out.

As my sister and I talked this weekend, I'm feeling this power surge through me. I am getting past this. I know it. I don't doubt myself anymore. If I do have doubt, it's temporary. I know that I am very powerful and strong and I know that I'm going to survive this. I realize that we have our highs and lows, but this is a powerful high right now, and I feel good and clear and I just want this in writing as "proof" so that when the doubts come back, and I am sure they will, I'll know that I saw the light at the end of the tunnel and today, it's really bright. And this is a first.

You can all do it. Believe it.