Denver? During that 10 month period, were you DBing. I see your bomb was November.
No. I wish more than anything that I would have found this site and MWD's books during that time. Unfortunately, it was me more than W that had one foot out the door. My only point in bringing it up though was that during that time, W came to believe that I didn't love her and didn't care about M. Bc I was NOT trying and was, in fact, distancing myself from her.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Yes, I was very clear on Bomb day about not wanting D. I am sure she knows I want to work on marriage, and I thought that was what we were going to do after she agreed I get a chance, but that is not happening.
Like I have said, I realize it is actually a chance to get a chance to work on the marriage. That was said on day 1. 2 months later I got the, " I want a divorce".
I just got back from a train show with my son. While I was gone I see my wife has bought a $2500.00 vacumn from a guy who came and displayed it at our house. Oh My God! This woman is "sick". Shopping constantly, How can I say something?
leader12, I guess we got our answer about private messages.
I have been going to MC ever since day 1 by myself. You would also think that she would see this as me trying to fix marriage. I am about ready to quit going, I am not really getting anything from it anymore. Without her wanting to try, I see no point.
H-40 W-38 Together-20 Married-12 boy-7 girl-3 bomb-9/17/10 No papers live together No affair
I just got back from a train show with my son. While I was gone I see my wife has bought a $2500.00 vacumn from a guy who came and displayed it at our house. Oh My God! This woman is "sick". Shopping constantly, How can I say something?
Habit, I had a similar problem with my W. We both had very good jobs and both made over 6 figures a year. However, we also owned two houses, a 19 lot development (that we completely when economy went to crap) nice vehicles...... She thought she should be able to buy whatever she wanted, I tried to control money because despite our incomes, we never really were able to save a whole lot. We never were behind but there was a constant pressure. The more we made, the more we spent....
So every time her credit card came I would always look at it, get pissed question how the hell she could spend $3500 a month? We would fight, it would turn to other problems....Very unproductive behavior... Once the bomb hit, I 180'ed. Credit card came...$3500, I said nothing. Truth was we weren't going broke so was it really that important, when we did try to reconcile, we found out that it having a weekly meeting to discuss finances, and what we needed to buy. We never fought about money again. I guess what it came down to was information and being on the same page. Our money problems were'nt about control or even spending. It was about not working together to find a solution....
I would say that with the vacuum you may have to look at it objectively.. What are the options... If you bitch about it what is it going to accomplish.... Is their a real solution.. can she even return it... Otherwise, you are just wasting your breath... MWD says 60% of the things couples fight about have no solution at all. Sometimes it's better to just let some things go? IDK, you know your finances and sitch better than anybody, so you will have to judge if this is worth the effort.
Habit, I know its hard not to initiate R talk but in my sitch, almost every time we have R talk it ends up worse. It sort of makes them face up to the fact that they don't love us and this in turn reinforces it and makes them act like it.
I read in a link that the spouse in MLC is very suggestible.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Angel, I know exactly what you are talking about. Although we have only had one R talk since bomb, it was initiated by me, and I only heard things I didn't want to hear.
Now, I fight with the patience thing everyday. I want to have R talk so bad, but I am afraid to because it can be bad.
This is why I have decided to just wait her out like you and most others say to do. It is so hard. I am a big time fixer, and am having a hard time with this. Especially when I see so many others on here having R talk. Makes me wonder who is doing the right thing.
What do you mean by suggestible? Do you have a link to that? I am starting to look at the MLC thing a little harder. I knew in the not so distant past I felt like I kind of went through one, but the more time goes by, I really see some strange, different things from my W since D-day.
I am sure this happens a lot, but still would like to know why? I guess I want to know if she is MLC or just GAL, and what is the difference? Why the change?
H-40 W-38 Together-20 Married-12 boy-7 girl-3 bomb-9/17/10 No papers live together No affair
As for the vacumn sitch, I just have to let it go. If she had used money that kept us from making house payment, then I would have to say something. It is on payments. Payments for a vacumn? Does that sound crazy, or is it just me?
As for now, I assume she still wants a D, and doesn't need me. So how can I say anything without it hurting us?
What hurts the most is that she is doing things like this without me being involved in any way. She has no interest in what I think. She is moving on without me.
H-40 W-38 Together-20 Married-12 boy-7 girl-3 bomb-9/17/10 No papers live together No affair
"As for the vacumn sitch, I just have to let it go. If she had used money that kept us from making house payment, then I would have to say something. It is on payments. Payments for a vacumn? Does that sound crazy, or is it just me?"
I was just talking to another lady last week who had a Kirby guy over just to clean her carpets. She told him right up front that she will not be buying the vaccuum, she just wants her carpet cleaned..... Well long story short. he gets done cleaning she pays him 2500 for a vacuum.
I don't think men will ever understand women's shopping decisions, but women prolly don't understand why some men can sit for hours watching cars go around a racetrack.... Oh well better to let some things go.
