What next???

[sarahani]

Have a thread in newcomers as well. Here is my story...

Met husband when we were both 17 married at 23 and have 2 small children, D4 and S2. We are 32 now and for the most part we have been inseparable and have had a "fun" marriage.

In January we started having some financial problems and had to move out of our home because we couldn't afford to pay so last minute we found a house that was 2x more expensive than what we were paying. At that point we took it because we couldn't find anything else, we said it would be temporary until we did find something more affordable. We moved early February 10’. He became very stressed because of our rent and not being able to find anything more affordable. I noticed him distancing himself, being very cold, no affection, and almost never home. I started getting suspicious and looked at his cell phone records and sure enough found a number that had several (almost 30-40 calls/texts a day). I called the number and a woman answered and immediately hung up after hearing my voice. I tried calling back to no avail so I confronted him and he said it was his associates number and that was probably his wife and why would I call and embarrass him that way, so I stopped. It was always in the back of my mind because his behavior was the same.

In June he would rarely come home but blamed it on work this became worse 2 months into it. I became weary and checked his phone records again and again the calls were on there and even more this time so I called the # again and told the OW who just listened and didn’t say anything that I hoped she knew he was married and had 2 kids and to stop contact with him or else. When my husband got home that evening he was prepared, he said it’s just an associate and that he didn’t want to tell me it was a F because I wouldn’t take it well I said fine but didn’t go for it. I started nagging, and constantly calling him when he would be late or not come home and it got to a point where he would turn off his phone. This didn’t go well for me I got very upset and couldn’t believe how selfish he could be to do such a thing, we had 2 small kids what if something happened how would I get a hold of him.

Well make a long story short I told him he had to leave the house and I would not take another day of his crappy behavior. He did, he went to his parents house and would come back home and say he wanted to work out our M but it wouldn’t last one day he would go back to her. Then the bomb hit in August he said ILYBNILWY, I couldn’t believe it, I was floored! He then said that he didn’t know why he felt that way but he felt no kind of love for anyone except his kids. I begged, pleaded, and nothing. So after a month of him coming and going and not helping me financially I was a SAHW I moved into my parents. Things went even more downhill from then he started telling me to move on with my life, he didn’t know what he wanted in his, he didn’t love me, we are done all of the stuff I hear S’s on here say. He said things like, I was irresponsible and I couldn’t save up $ for rainy days, I was weak and that I did this to the M, I was devastated. The man who would literally say things like you are my rock, without you we would have never came so far, I would never in a million years leave you and our kids, divorce will never be an option for us, blah, blah, blah.

I threatened him with divorce but he said no give me some time to figure things out well it’s been months and he can’t stand to see my face. He needs to stay married to me for personal reasons right now so I don’t know if it’s because of that or he really doesn’t want it. He has told his family that we are done and to not talk about “us” anymore but says that he doesn’t want a divorce. I know he is still seeing OW and both of them deny this, my H says it is over and OW says we don’t even talk and nothing ever happened. He is very depressed, doesn’t know what to do, keeps saying things like “why are you getting angry cause I can’t support you guys anymore”? I have been reading DR and have applied some of the techniques in there but I don’t know if they are working, when I was GALing he acted like he didn’t care but one day he told me if you want our M to work why would you go out all the time and act as if you were a single woman?

Sorry so long and sorry my writing is all over the place there is so much to say but it would take for ever as this has been going on for close to 1 year.I really don’t know what technique to apply please help me with suggestions.