Had a great Christmas overall! One little blip when stbxH landed at my parents house on Xmas day with OW and OWD7 in the van to pick up my kids. OW is verrrrrrry lucky my mom didn't see her out there. It pissed me off, he drove right by their place on his way to mom's so he could have dropped her off. He didn't. Some will say it was an intentional move on his part, I don't think so. He's just so out there he didn't think anything of it at all. I vented for 20 mins or so after he left, and then I was fine. Like I said, it was a blip.
NYE I texted stbxH to see if I could drop the kids a little early, he said no, he was sick and going to nap before they got there. I said fine. Fast forward 3 days, and on Monday I get a get text from him that says...
stbxH: I'm going to be dropping the kids a little early.
ME: No, u can't just do that without checking with me. What if I wasn't going to be home?
stbxH: Nice PEI. It's a half hour. Fine I'll have them there at 2. Oh, and I won't be dropping S3 off after daycare on your days anymore.
At this point I called him.
ME: You can not make assumptions about my time, if you have a reason to want to drop them off early you will have to ask if the adjustment works. I may have had plans and might not have been home until the agreed upon time.
stbxH: You don't need to be like that. It was a half hour and I wanted to drop them off before the roads got bad.
ME: I understand, all I'm saying is that you can't assume. If you want to change the arrangement, ask. Don't tell.
stbxH: I won't be dropping S3 off after work anymore.
ME: Who are you trying to punish?
stbxH: I'm not trying to punish anyone. I just have no freedom. I can't just go home after work ... (ftr, he works beside the daycare and drives past my driveway to get to his house).
ME: If you are going to change the arrangement (which he offered to do when we separated) then I need notice to make adjustments. I do not have any flexibility at work. They are your days, and I appreciate you doing it, if you no longer are willing to do it then I will be changing S3's daycare to one along our mutual way to work. I don't think it's in S3's best interest to change providers at this point, but I will have to due to logistics. Just let me know what you decide to do.
stbxH: I don't think changing daycares will be necessary.
ME: I understand. However, since I have no flexibility at work, it will be. Just let me know what you decided and I can make arrangements from there.
.........
Then the next weekend I had a b'day party for S3. I debated what to do, and in the end decided to invite stbxH's siblings and neices and nephews. When I spoke to them I very clearly stated that I knew stbxH was having a b'day party the following weekend, I was not trying to replace it and they were not expected to bring presents, I just wanted them to know they were more than welcome to come hang out and have some cake and ice cream.
They all came, some brought small token gifts. We had great time. The next morning when stbxH picked up S3 for daycare he mentions the party and stbxH asks who was here. I tell him and he doesn't say much. Then, in classic conflict-avoidant manner, he emails me when he gets to work. He's pissed because I had HIS family at the party. I called him. I said "I'm sorry you feel that way". He says I should have talked to him first. To which I reply that I do not intend to discuss who I do or do not invite into my home with him. He says they are HIS family. I agree. And I say they are also my and the children's family. He tried to claim this was a parenting issue, I didn't bite. He says that maybe he won't discuss parenting issues with me either than. I still don't bite. Actually at this one, I bite my tongue for real because I have to choke back saying "oh, and you've discussed soooo much with me to date!". I calmly reiterate that it is not a parenting issue, I told him what I told "his" family when I invited them, and said I will not be running my guest lists by him. He hangs up on me. I laugh. Hehehe. Really. It didn't phase me. Classic MLC spew. I didn't lose any sleep over it
.................
We get along fine at kid exchanges, even have a couple of phone convos where we're laughing. I get an email from him a few days later asking me if I'll pay extra towards after school care if he continues to drive S3 on my days. I say yes. So that issue is resolved by him and to his satisfaction ... for now. LOL.
.................
B-lady ... I can totally relate. I told my MIL one day that regardless of when stbxH comes out of his crisis, and regardless of whether or not I've moved on, I will be there for him to help him when he's ready to help himself. Even if it really just is as his friend. MLC is ugly folks. And I have a feeling that coming out of it won't be pretty either, if it ever happens.
Anyway ... I'm outta here for GAL night #2 in a row ... whooot whooot!
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
