I went to the gym and went to the movies with a friend and her daughter. I did ok. Then my parents called and they are pretty upset so I'm no so ok. They didn't set me off, I probably needed to cry. I won't cry in front of him because I just can't take anymore of those pathetic looks. Plus he's in a lot of pain and I am not interested in causing anymore.
Dmod- He sat me down and told me that he was too uncomfortable here and that he had to leave. I told him that I thought, at this point, it was probably a good idea. We talked about some of the old stuff and I asked why he was so cold. He said that I had pushed him away too long and that he just shut down. He said he was not interested in therapy or a couples weekend or anything. After that, I wished him luck. I didn't cry or breakdown. I actually couldn't. It wasn't from strength, I didn't, I think it was from pure exhaustion from the situation.
He keeps saying that I've changed, he sees no hope and that there is a divide between us that just keeps getting longer. He said that if we had any hope of salvaging a friendship, that he had to leave.
So, I keep following the tenets of db'ing because they are good for me. But in the end, I don't think there is any hope for my M. Now maybe I'm emotional and I'll feel better tomorrow, but people get a gut instinct about things, you know? I mean today, I KNEW something was coming. I followed what Michelle said and didn't act like it and was warm and friendly and smiling, but I knew.
Fell -
I am sadly aware of your situation as I've kept up on your thread. I am so sorry for what you are going through and I want you to know that I pray for you and the others here. I want this to work for you so much because you want it to work so much.
II thank you all for your help and I think I'm going to stay awhile because you are such good people who really care. I don't think I would have made it this far without you folks. God, 3 months ago I was looking at how to kill myself with the drugs in the house. Today, I couldn't even think about that. So, at least the techniques got me out of that crisis.
