On Figurative Ledge - Talk Me Down?

[FellOnBlackDays]

Denver,
I know how you feel in regard to the advice your friends give you. I have invoked a new policy. I no longer discuss my sitch with anyone who has not already been through this. Every time I would discuss my sitch with a happily married person who has never been separated or divorced, I would get sunshine blown up my skirt. I was getting tired of hearing, "don't worry, she will come back." They don't know that and they don't know what I am going through. That is why I love this forum. This thing is a life-saver. Here I can talk with others that are in the same painful place and get real advice from those that know.

As for your worry about "going dark" being misinterpreted, that is a problem. I have the same history with my W. For most of the last year we were together, I was an "absentee husband" with some serious communication issues. That is one of the biggest reasons why she left. But I have to say, my "going dark" didn't seem to hurt the sitch. Remember, you can't change her mind. I struggle with this also. My C has told me time and time again, I can't make my wife come back. I have to let her search her soul and find the desire to come back on her own. My W left because she was mad at me for being a less than stellar husband. So, I gave her two months of "going dark" so she could have some time to forget why she is mad at me. Now, I am still in a huge bind here and have a long way to go (I know you know that because you have been reading my updates). She is still claiming it is over. But she has seemed to soften a bit over the past two weeks. I think the time away from me may have helped. I guess we will see.

Sorry to hear about the debt issue. That is a tough problem to have in the middle of this mess. Just do what you can to make sure it doesn't get any worse if that is possible. I guess if she drops a LS or D on you, don't lose faith. Remember, in DB it clearly states that LS or D doesn't mean all hope is lost. I am banking on that myself right now.

Keep up the good work. Keep posting and keep in touch.

BITS!

FOBD