Bolt, I feel your pain. About a month and a half after my W moved out, she took a trip out of the country. She told me I could not have any details regarding the trip. But, when the phone bill came in I saw that she had exchanged over 300 texts with a number that had never appeared on our bill before. The area code on the number matched the part of the world she was in. Apparently she made a new friend while she was away. I guess she thought she was going to intercept the bill before I could see it. None the less, curiosity got the best of me and I called the number. I got the voice mail box of a guy whose name I will not use here. I confronted her about it. Bad move, but I hadn't read DB yet when I did this. None the less, I got the "friends" line. She swears that there was no PA, but that they are just "friends." I am sorry, but you don't exchange 300 messages with another man when you are still technically married. I realize there is nothing I can do about this and I need to let it go if I am going to truly DB, but it really pisses me off every time I think about it. We were together 15 years with no infidelity. 300 texts is a mental affair no matter how you try to justify or frame it. I guess we both are going to have to just let this go if we truly want to DB.

Don't let the presence of paranoia make you feel too bad. It is going to happen. My W left four months ago and I constantly battle the same thing. I have to admit I have tried to find out more about her from time to time than I should have. This is not good for two reasons. 1) If she finds out, it will make things worse. 2) It is not good for my own mental well being. But we are human. Next time you feel paranoid, change your environment. If you are at work, take a walk, strike up a conversation with a co-worker or call a friend. Do anything to get yourself out of that frame of mind. I do this from time to time and it seems to help. I hope it will help you too. Keep us posted on your sitch. We are pulling for you.

fellonblackdays

Me: 39
W: 36
T: 15 yrs
M: 9 yrs
S: 09/10

So you can get on with your search, baby
And I can get on with mine
And maybe someday we will find,
That it wasn't really wasted time...