H's MLC - finding compassion and forgiveness

[Mila]

Thank you SA, Beatrice, Kissak, Lorie, Snodderly, Being & GAG
Looks like you all support or at least understand my view on the in-laws visit. I'm really dreading it, but will psyche myself up for it....must appear happy, comfortable with being in the situation H put me in and a perfect hostess...don't want them to see me as a victim and a crushed woman...it will be tough...SIL & BIL have always had a bit arrogant and forceful personalities...need to project self confidence and strength...don't want them and H walk all over me...take over my house...

Beatrice

be aware that ground rules simply do not work with our MLCers. Normal rules, they believe, do not apply to them. And your husband will likely push the boundary because you will not want to make a fuss in front of your in laws at such a difficult time. They are no longer sensitive caring people, remember. It is all about them. It is about power and control and doing what they want at the time

Describes my H to a T

Kissak & Lorie - One thing I'm pretty sure about...H wouldn't dare bring OW to my house...he knows that I have my limits of what I would tolerate...but I don't want her to be in town either....that would make me feel pretty peeved off if I have his family in my house, H hanging around all day, me taking care of everything, cooking, cleaning, shopping for them and H and then he goes off at night to his place where OW is waiting for him? That would make me feel used...but realistically...I may have control over who comes to my house, but can't control if he has OW at his....crappy situation...oh well I'll somehow survive it if that happens...

Didn't talk to H about the in-law visit since the exchange in the car....it may be up to me to bring it up...he may not after what I said to him...

Being - hope you have a great time with your family, it's good for you to be able to talk to your niece. I'm going to a movie tonight with my male friend

GAG - I can so picture you curled up in your sunroom, nice and cozy while the snow storm rages outside
Thank you for your positive analysis of my "communication" with H Re: SIL visit...appreciate it. Also thank you for describing your situation with your SIL it's helpfull to see that things are not always what they appear to be at the time.
In my case I don't know what H told them about me and how he rewrote the history to justify in their eyes what he is doing...what H shared with me in our last exchange is that his sister never once offered him any advice or opinion....apparently didn't judge him or told him what to do ...just listened to him and said that if he needs any help they are there for him. I was hoping that as a therapist she would have done more...but apparently she just listened....maybe she is smart enough therapist to realize that it's useless to talk MLCr out of what they want...and that he has to go through this to learn what he needs to learn....

And you are right, as things unfold...I learn as well...with every new development I'm able to put a new piece of the puzzle in place.