Big talk tonight. I am a wreck, need support.

[hope2011]

Roller coaster in full swing.

I didn't respond. He called an hour later to "check in" and thanked me for the e-mail. He came home 2 hours later, full of paperwork from his job. Thank goodness so I can put the fear that he was with someone else yesterday to rest. He had a work problem so he was working until 7pm to fix it and the paperwork. I gave him his space.

I'm STILL sick. Ugh. Going to the doctor for IV fluids this afternoon if I'm not better. I just can't get a handle on this dehydration now.

He came to bed and held me a bit, has been sweet. No R talk. Just thanked me again for the e-mail. I thanked him for his e-mail and he said "it was nothing compared to what you wrote". He suggested we get away with the boys this weekend and go skiing (not too far from us) - I've never been. Me being sick has prevented that from happening and now he's disappointed. Thankfully one of the boys has a prior engagement tomorrow so all the blame of not going isn't on my shoulders. If I'm up to it, I'll suggest something else like bowling or the movies tonight. I'm trying not to be a drag. I hate being sick!!!

So right now, I'm trying to just be pleasant, not negative at all, trying not to complain about being sick. The boys missed curfew last night, I didn't say a word and let him handle it (he did really well) and supported him on what he said to them. A 180 from me being upset and worried sick about them until they got home.

I am so grateful for his e-mail... I cried for half an hour after I got it... but I know better than to relax right now. DB'ing and piecing is just beginning. I have a lot of work to do and a lot of tip-toeing and a lot of changes to make and mostly... I need to get a lot of faith in him and that he won't hurt me again and I have to do that without making him feel that way. I know it can all fall to pieces again at any moment if I backslide. This is a good step forward but I know all too well that WAS's take 1 step forward and 2 back (remember that I DB'd for 2 yrs with last marriage and didn't work so I know!). I'm cautiously optimistic and scared to death.