Sorry to interrupt the party......... ...........just wanted to respond quickly to trapt's post from this morning. Just trying to catch up for the week while the snow is piling up outside. I agree with pretty much everything trapt said. He raised many good points, but something jumped out at me that I thought merited review from a different perspective.
Originally Posted By: trapt
You can't place ANY of this on the woman he is dating. You can't expect to date someone with some sort of "disclaimer" so to speak. It would be so wrong for him to go into this with a "well she should know what she's getting into" kind of midset.
I'm not sure that trapt understood what I was trying to say here. I just meant that Missher and MHL's GF are both adults and as such, should both recognize and take responsibility for the risk that is implicit in becoming involved in a R where one, or possibly both parties, are healing from lost loves. To me this ^^^^^^^^^ sounds like trapt is saying that Missher should take all of the responsibility for the health of his R with new GF. I may be misunderstanding your intent in writing this trapt, so please forgive me if I am misunderstanding your words. To me this ^^^^^^^^ sounds like someone trying to control the evolving R with GF by taking responsibility for communication away from GF. GF deserves to bear some responsibility in the evolution of this R too just as she deserves to share the rewards with Missher. Missher is a very thoughtful guy. He is not a cad and I have no doubt he doesn't intend to take advantage of GF.
We should remember too that GF may also have some left over feelings for a past R that we (and maybe Missher) aren't aware of. Maybe she is afraid of deep emotional involvement and that is why she likes to keep the men she has met on match.com at arm's length in the "friendship zone"........maybe she has trouble thinking that people might not like her and that is why she chooses to keep these other past dates in her life as friends (my XH does this).........or maybe that is why she has chosen to date someone who lives an hour away. Just throwing different scenarios out there. I have no idea whether there is validity to any of these scenarios. Missher knows much more about this woman than we do.
It is always scary to put ourselves "out there" but when we connect with someone in that special way, there is no sweeter joy in life.
...........just wanted to respond quickly to trapt's post from this morning. Just trying to catch up for the week while the snow is piling up outside. I agree with pretty much everything trapt said. He raised many good points, but something jumped out at me that I thought merited review from a different perspective.
